Pilkerton's Prognostications

This blog contains some of my past articles for the school newspaper and other musings I feel like posting. Beware liberals!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

SCSU Commencement Speech 2006


First, I must congratulate all of the members of the 2006 graduating class. Very few individuals escape the black hole of Southern Connecticut State University and those who do rarely have enough time off from their retail jobs to tell the tale of this heroic accomplishment. I will be brief in this farewell address because I know that a good portion of you are headed off to far away places to celebrate this grand day. Some of you will be off to Europe or the Caribbean isles, but most of you will undoubtedly be headed back to Arby’s or Popeye’s.
What will await you tomorrow, friends? When your cap and gown are as worthless as that same dusty outfit from high school that hasn’t moved in four, I mean five years, what will be waiting for you on the outside of this prison? I am here to tell you that the world is an unfriendly place and despite the degree you’ll be mailed in a few months, you are most likely unprepared for what’s coming.
Unlike the coddling and overly politically correct conditioning you may have received at SCSU, the real world is still clinging to merit and the harsh reality of unfair promotions and cronyism. No one will care about your personal sob story or how something makes you feel inside. Production is the name of the game and I’m of the opinion that many of you are ill-prepared for a business world where the emotional cripples are eaten and forgotten about in the time it takes Google to split for the nth time.
Despite what you’ve spent the last several years believing, every person in a wheel chair is not Stephen Hawking, every Republican is not a war criminal, every Democrat is not Robin Hood, every illegal immigrant is not a hero, and every black person is not Bill Clinton. College has failed to prepare most of you for the world that exists off campus: a world that does not have time for informational tables, poorly attended lectures by the minority author du jour, or for seminars on depression. If you rely too much on these pillars of collegiate life then you will fail.
For the percentage of you for whom the aforementioned maladies do not apply then let me be the first to congratulate you on realizing the intangible worth of the college experience. This, of course, is to realize that the world consists of two kinds of people--those who can, and those who can not. The people who expect to get out of here with their miscellaneous teaching degrees or worthless degrees in journalism have most likely fooled themselves in to believing they offer the world something special, and that they are ready to embrace the future of their choosing. Those of you who have succeeded in understanding what it is to have grown up and moved beyond natural ice and clubbing are most likely the same people who understand that succeeding is, in large part, do to hard work and paying one’s dues and not because of a slip of paper handed out after completing irrelevant courses for four plus years.
A little advice for all of you is to understand that a college degree is no more useful than a high school diploma in this, the foul year of our lord two thousand and six. I’m sure many of you believe that you’ll soon pursue a master’s degree: you won’t. You’ll most likely toil away for minimal fiscal gain at a job that has little to do with your field of study. The aspiring journalist with gaudy collegiate credentials will most likely end up working a menial job for their parents or in-laws, while clinging to their time at school the way Al Bundy clung to his glory days at Polk High. The obvious difference is that it is immeasurably more difficult to score four touchdowns in one game than it is to be a big shit on campus.
Do not be fooled, friends, college is not real. The state of the union is dangerous and as soon as you move out of the protective shelter of a college campus you’ll find out what I mean. The only thing that will remain of your college experience is the bureaucracy we’ve all dealt with on campus. No longer will it be impossible to get anything done because of university red-tape or a fear of lawsuits, instead it will be something pertaining to your corporate experience. The bungling administration of Southern is but a small taste of the nonsense you will encounter in the burgeoning politically correct and emotionally sensitive corporate environment.
The only hope for those of you who still believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the worth of a degree from a school like Southern, which is on the fast track to becoming a community college for underprivileged urban youth (so I hear) is to join the dark side and simply stay at Southern in a professional capacity. One only has to look at university offices to see those promoted to and far above their personal level of incompetence. The Student Life or Student Affairs office, which routinely has difficulty telling its collective ass from its elbow is the shining beacon of institutional incompetence as well as a perfect career choice for the huddled masses who would undoubtedly fail miserably in the outside world.
It is not my hope for you men and women, boys and girls, special people, and gutless emotional cripples to fail in life: nay, it is only my aim to inform you of what is to come in order to soften the landing. I have personally spent far too much time at this school and my time here is drawing to a close so I’ve gotten all weepy and nostalgic, not because of the good times, but because of you, the future of this country.
May the Great Magnet deliver us from the individuals in school now who meander to and from class fooling themselves in to believing they’re intelligent, those who will be running the show and making up the majority of the electorate in a decade who now are unable to name high level government figures or tie their own shoes without consulting MTV. Great Magnet deliver us from the social cripples, anime nerds, and faux faculty condemning the future to hell. May we escape the prison we’ve built for ourselves in this society where in place of sports we have video games, in place of socializing we have myspace, and in place of intelligence we have sensitivity.
I now go the way of Communism, Jack Kerouac, and Richard Nixon, muscled out of the spotlight by a generation I don’t understand. Still clinging to an ancient unspoken code of conduct I only wish the best for you graduates and undergraduates alike. May you make the most of your lives, buy low, sell high, and never believe anything you read. Get tough and heed my advice, friends, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll slip through the cracks, overcome your time spent here, and actually make something of yourself. And if you don’t, then don’t worry--chances are you didn’t deserve it.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

I guess it's my turn


This week I feel compelled to write about the port controversy involving the United Arab Emirates and whether or not we should allow them the leasing rights to several United States ports. I should be writing about the political shit-storm this has suddenly kicked up when the deal was publicly announced last October. A part of me demands that I speculate the motives of both the Democrats and the Republicans that are out in front protesting this deal. These musings would have led me to the word of the week on the news shows, that word being “islamaphobia” and whether or not it is justified. I could have ranted on for several hundred words on this topic and made you chuckle a few times and maybe, if I was really on the ball, offended some of you.
But I won’t. This is because this issue bores me to death. This issue is so politicized and so irrelevant that it is barely worth mentioning. Here’s a little clue to those of you who are either out of touch, or so politically skewed that you need your facts force-fed to you: The United Arab Emirates, if the deal goes through, will not be in charge of port security. The job of port security is that of the United States Coast Guard and the Homeland Security Agency. Things will go on as they always have, even with the evil Muslims in charge because little will change outside of the upper management. Those individuals working in the ports will largely be the same individuals that DP World, the name of the U.A.E. company, will hire once ownership is transferred.
The DP World brass has also named an American citizen as chief of security for their upcoming purchase and a British individual as the head of operations for their US interests for the immediate future. This, of course, means little to a congress full of suddenly defense-minded libs and back-stabbing Republicans eager to distance themselves from a lame-duck president. Grade-A libs like Joe Biden (D-Del.), Chuck Shumer (D-NY), and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) are suddenly defense-minded backers of the war on terror that until last week they were unwilling to admit was taking place. Quoting the great El Rushbo, “these people, until last week, thought that George W. Bush was the most dangerous terrorist in the world.”
Something is amiss in this world when lefties like Ted Kennedy and Harry Reid are shouting for racist laws against the UAE while perennial publicity whore and irrelevant corpse, Jimmy Carter is lining up on the President’s side. Yes, the Great Magnet has thrown us a changeup here, good readers. Let us be reminded that in a post September 11th world the UAE is, outside of Israel, our biggest ally in the Middle East. They’ve put a freeze on terrorist assets, provided us with military assistance, and during this post 9/11 political aid, they’ve become one of the largest investors in the US. The UAE owns hotels and other real estate in New York City, San Francisco, and several other locations within our borders. When they purchase a building in New York do we hear Hillary’s shrill scream warning of the dangerous possibility of arabic custodians or bellhops? I think not.
This entire situation is, as I said, completely irrelevant. Our ports are secure and will be secure as they can be. Nothing is one-hundred percent and it never will be. One thing this entire issue stinks of is bullshit partisan politics. The slimy men and women in Washington are jumping all over the president’s back because they think the American public is comprised of mentally deficient individuals, and to a certain degree they are right, but what is missing is the plain logic of the circumstance. People are not going to be put in to a panic over foreign interesting controlling US ports because, in case no one has been paying attention, foreign interests have been contolling our ports for three hundred years. The Dutch have quietly kept up their history of being the traders of the world and now own the lion’s share of the transport market. Their biggest trading company, Maersk , owns 18 percent of the international shipping market, including several ports in the United States. P&O Ports was not a subject of such xenophobic outcries when it owned those same ports they now want to sell to the UAE.
The problem here is that the left of this country, along with the sniveling GOP backers of the left on this issue are too short-sighted to see value this deal with have with strengthening our relationship with an ally in the Middle East. We need as much street cred as possible over there and botching this deal won’t help in the least. This country gave 100 million dollars to Katrina relief (out of the $126 million of foreign aid that was given to Katrina victims) and yet we are still afraid of them because of their religion. The UAE may be an Islamic monarchy, but they are no the fundamentalist psychotics that rule in Iran or the America-hating Saudis that put up with us because we print money for them, these are the people who pay Tiger Woods $3.5 million to just show up at their golf tournament, the people who are creating islands to look like a world map for private real estate purposes. The folks in the UAE don’t mess around. They want the great taste of Islam, but without the annoying jihad aspect of it.
See what happened, I ended up writing about the UAE port deal when I said I wasn’t, I guess it was my turn to wax philosophic about something that has no real bearing on my life...I might just be a journalist after all.

Monday, February 13, 2006

FEMA pays for stupidity

The senate investigation in to the actions taken and those not taken by the federal government in the hurricane Katrina crisis have been relatively quiet and as expected thus far. That was until Monday when a kernel of information slipped out concerning the allocation for the aid money that was given to the downtrodden and unfortunate souls of New Orleans. It seems as if those same victims of Katrina had enough time to squander their federal aid and still make it back to the Superdome to cry foul and blame the government for their stupidity.
What happened to that much needed federal assistance you ask? Why, the needy denizens of the Big Easy squandered it, of course. Reports have come out citing the usage of the two-thousand dollar federally issued debit cards that were given to New Orleans residents immediately following the disaster. These reports show that the fiscally challenged residents spent their lottery winnings on things such as bail payments and "adult entertainment." I understand it is taboo to question the intelligence of poor people, after all, it isn't their fault they live in the 9th ward and were too poor to get out in the first place, but may this allocation of federal aid be a clue to why so many people were left stranded after Katrina?
What I think we should all take from this revelation is that it was not strictly the government's fault that the recovery effort of Katrina went askew, it was the assumption by the government that they were dealing with sane, rational, and civil people that had a basic idea of how to conduct themselves. When the federal government attempted to grant some immediate aid to those stuck in the flooded city so that they may escape or find food and lodging, the "victims" instead used their money to buy themselves strippers or to pay off bail bondsmen. I wonder again why the tragedy lasted as long as it did.
In the days after Katrina all the painfully liberal media did was complain about those poor individuals who could not find a way out, those who will now suffer due to Katrina. In lieu of these recent reports showing the allocation of relief funds I find it not so hard to believe that the media has managed to make this a smaller story than it should be. The media will not show the magnitude of this because the media has a vested interest in the bleeding heart masses who will do anything aside from assign blame on the shoulders of poor people or people of different skin colors. This is the same reason Louis Farrakhan gets away with his nonsense, the media is afraid of offending anyone (except Republican administrations, of course). The travesty that occurred with the FEMA issued debit cards has no race or skin color associated with it at all, it is strictly the fault of the stupid. Residents of New Orleans cry one moment and spend their relief checks buying Kevin Garnett jerseys the next, only to resume their tears afterward.
While I may think these individuals are, for a lack of a better term, stupid, let us not forget to see their tremendous guile that comes from generations of abusing federal and state governments. Let us taxpaying, hurricane-evading, individuals give a collective tip of the cap to the soggy men and women of New Orleans who have managed to play the system the way they were raised to maximize their charitable intakes. The poor victims of Katrina now have more shoes and playstation games than a man of my modest means will ever dream of, and they have Uncle Sam and his big heart to thank for them. God bless you, citizen of the Chocolate City, you've managed to steal donations for your well being and keep one hand in the federal cookie jar for those days when you feel like using your own laziness and stupidity as a reason to rake in the cash.
The deplorable actions of the citizens of New Orleans are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the Katrina fiasco. The chocolate mayor should've stayed in the city, like a real man and leader would have, and the state government should've been more organized and quicker to realize their role as the second line of emergency respondents (FEMA is the last to respond). FEMA is not at fault and hopefully this investigation will yield these obvious facts as truths in the wake of a natural disaster and prevent this specific kind of human ignorance and stupidity from rearing its ugly head in a future emergency.

Friday, February 10, 2006

And I ran, Iran so far away...


This week brought us the usual Muslim fundamentalist fury, rebelling against the Capitalist infidels and such, but a much more ominous day is dawning in the historically tranquil Middle East. Yes, with a Danish cartoonist making light of Mohammed in a political cartoon where the Muslim prophet has a bomb as a turban, the Islamic world is up in arms. In a reaction against this cartoon, the fundamentalists have been burning Danish and Norwegian Embassies across the Middle East in a show of monumental hypocrisy. These zealots seem to forget the regular cartoons in their papers depicting the Jews as a “hook-nosed, money grubbing people who control the world’s economy.” Now perhaps my upbringing as an American infidel has swayed my opinion, but that seems to be a bit hypocritical to this nonbeliever.
We have to wonder whether these people are insane or just stupid. My apologies to whatever the percentage of the Southern population allies themselves with this fundamentalist nonsense, but when are we going to stop taking their tantrums and start recognizing them as a cancer on modern society? Every day, there are news pieces about some Embassy in Syria being torched because of something as trivial as a political cartoon or some journalist being knocked off because she is an American woman. It would be beyond their comprehension to just knock off the killings and learn to take a joke. Perhaps if these zealots didn’t take to killing every time they disagreed with someone they’d be on a much more stable ground in the arena of global politics.
Leading this fundamentalist charge is Iran, who, for some reason is causing a stir with their aspirations for a nuclear program solely aimed at developing cheap energy for their peaceful population. Their utterly insane “President” Mamoud Ahmandinejad has recently ousted the IAEA, International Atomic Energy Agency, from Iran and in essence, told the United Nations to get out of his country. This doesn’t say much, however, because the United Nations has no real power other than to shake its collective finger and tell a country that they disagree.
The Iranian president has recently made statements denying the Holocaust and urging that Israel be “wiped off the map.” His paranoia has led him to defy the UN, make statements against Israel, the European Union, and America, as well as halt all Western broadcasts within Iran for fear of pro-democratic propaganda reaching his people.
I fully expect the European nations, aside from Britain, to fold and allow Ahmandinejad to act with impunity (see: Adolph Hitler circa 1938). This European cowardice will inflate Iran’s already brash and arrogant self-view and propel them to an even more dangerous force in the Middle East. When one postulates the future of this particular matter, it becomes cause for concern due to Iran’s relationship with China and Russia. Iran has signed an agreement with China that secures several billion barrels of oil to the Chinese over the next 30 years, and this deal is already paid for. Russia has garnered multi-billion dollar deals with the Iranians to build and share technology which would be used in their nuclear reactors - for peaceful purposes of course. The Chinese, with their bursting industrial economy will undoubtedly seek to protect their billion-dollar investment in Iranian oil supplies and the cash-strapped Russians will seek the same protection. This puts the United States in quite a predicament.
Does the United States capitulate the disarming of Tehran’s nuclear ambitions and simply issue angry finger-waving and a few sanctions, or do we run the risk of shaking things up with the Russians and the Chinese as well as the whole Muslim fundamentalist movement? It seems improbable that the Iranians want to use a nuclear program for energy alone. Do we trust that the Chinese and Russians, both only lukewarm allies to the United States, to keep the Iranians from pursuing the enrichment process needed to garner weapons-grade uranium? If the present state of Muslim politics and policies is any indication, this lowly columnist believes that Iran’s nuclear program should be shut down, and by force if necessary.
The most intriguing option is for Israel to act preemptively against the hostile Iranians. An anonymous source inside the Israeli Defense ministry recently stated that almost all of Iran’s reactors could be taken out in a swift aerial attack using F-16’s and U.S. “bunker-buster” attack missiles. Israel, who does have a nuclear armament, could strike Tehran before any negotiations because of Iran’s increasingly harsh statements aimed at the Middle East country. If this happens it will likely cause a counter strike and when that happens we’ll undoubtedly swoop in to Israel’s aid.
No matter which side of the political aisle one is on, it is obvious that Iran is dangerous and must be dealt with before it attains nuclear weapons. It’s bad enough that North Korea and its psychotic midget leader allegedly have a nuclear weapon, the world doesn’t need the main supporter of terrorism attaining nuclear capability.
The world is a very dangerous place these days and with Hamas gaining control of the Palestinian government, Iran making threats and posturing itself as a faux world power, we need to do something to keep this fundamentalist nonsense in check. Using diplomacy or turning the Middle East in to a sheet of glass, something must be done.
I don't think I'm alone in believing that enough is enough, the Islamic zealots should be dealt with swiftly and harshly, let them go to their 70 virgins and deal with that headache and leave the rest of the world to itself. Enough of this sensitivity, coddling and patting the zealots on there backs and telling them that their beliefs are just fine. Our acceptance of them is just encouraging this dangerous behavior. We have the capability of wiping these religious thugs out swiftly, so why not do it before they get the chance to do it to us. I'd feel a hell of a lot safer with the entire fundamentalist population dead and enjoying their virgins than I would being blasted out of Starbucks because they don't like my cinnamon dolce latte.

New Orleans: the "chocolate" city


In a speech given on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, New Orleans Mayor--and evacuation expert-Ray Nagin informed the audience of his plans for rebuilding the Crescent City, or at least what was once called the Crescent City. Mayor Nagin has proposed a new nickname for his city, this one a testament to reverse racists around the country and one that invokes imagery that will surely set Civil Rights in the Deep South back decades: This new name, the Chocolate City.
Yes, that’s correct, the “Chocolate” New Orleans. The actual quote is as follows.
“It’s time for us to come together. It’s time for us to rebuild New Orleans-the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans.” This was said in Nagin’s best Jesse Jackson impression, complete with dramatic pauses and stressed syllables in order to make the drivel seeping out of his mouth sound prophetic. Perhaps it is just my humble opinion, but shouldn’t black people be at least a little offended by this statement? As a group of people who feel they’ve gotten the proverbial shaft throughout much of America’s history, I find it a little insulting that they’re referred to as chocolate in a speech on Martin Luther King Jr. Day of all times. If Rudy Guiliani wanted to rebuild the Vanilla Towers or if San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom wanted to build the Fudge Tunnel under the bay, I would imagine that whites and homosexuals would be a bit taken aback and offended by these statements.
I am unsure if the mainstream media’s lack of coverage of this event is meant to give Nagin a free pass or to avoid touching the third rail of race relations, especially when it’s the reverse racism conveyed in this statement.
Nagin also went on to shame the “uptown” crowd who weren’t the real victims of Katrina’s fury, hence they are effected less than those intellectual giants in the ghettos who decided to ride out the storm. If this and his “chocolate” slip weren’t inflammatory statements enough, the good Mayor decided to shed some light on the real reason for Hurricane Katrina, because we all look to ineffective mayors for insightful and meaningful social commentary. The real reason for New Orleans’ destruction: God. That’s right, God is just angry at America because of the war in Iraq so he decided to smite us and he started in New Orleans.
Mayor Wonka has decided to really make the most of his 15 minutes and air his political thoughts to a country of people who are doing his job for him. With an unprecedented amount of aid dollars streaming in to New Orleans and a recovery effort that is taking shape slowly but surely, I find it curious that the mayor has nothing else to talk about except President Bush’s decision to go to war in Iraq. Shouldn’t he be aiding in the building of chocolate levies or breaking ground on the Hershey Superdome? Shouldn’t Mr. Nagin be making the rounds in his glass elevator and doing some real good instead of voicing his foolish opinions and short changing his race at every opportunity he gets.
This week the employees of the Shell petroleum company moved back into their corporate headquarters in New Orleans, which has been steadily regaining much of its corporate tax base in recent months. This hasn’t been reported in the mainstream press because it is news of white-collar job growth and hence, not interesting because it doesn’t tell the tale of “chocolate” people returning to their waterlogged homes. As an American, I am fed up with the news media’s depiction of New Orleans as a city of helpless victims. Is it not clear to us that New Orleans is more than a poor black neighborhood or two. How many special reports do we have to see on NBC or CBS to tell us that there are jobless people in New Orleans...and that they’re black. Here’s an idea, how about we stop claiming that someone’s race is a handicap and let the people of New Orleans do what they have to do to get back on their feet.
Race is not a handicap, so stop using it as a crutch. When any group of people are made to look foolish by one of their own, whether its Ray Nagin or Louis Farrakhan, the whole movement and any progress that has been made is crippled by the special treatment demanded by these lightening rods. God isn’t punishing New Orleans for the violence in society or the violence in black culture, as Nagin suggested. God isn’t smiting us for the war in Iraq either. New Orleans isn’t a “chocolate city” and to suggest it was, is, or ever will be is an insult to one’s fellow citizens.
Mayor Nagin has proved over and over again that he is not the man for the job in New Orleans. His lack of political savvy or any other kind of savvy, for that matter, has only highlighted the problems facing the Crescent City in the future.
Democrat or Republican, someone has to step up to the plate and stop the racist nonsense being spewed in this recovery period. The recent hurricanes have effected almost every aspect of life in this country, no where is this seen more than in the ignorance of the vocal minority of this country who claims the Bush administration blew up the levies in New Orleans in order to wipe out the lesser tax bracket, or in the opinions of the left who claim the President doesn’t care about black people. Whether its Kanye West, John Kerry, or Willy Wonka, we have to realize these polarizing figures are a cancer on society.
Only in today’s society can inconsequential people like Ray Nagin use the sappy, overly sensitive press to spew their racially motivated hate speech while billions of dollars are pouring in to help those individuals that are crying foul.

Roe will survive Alito's confirmation


Last week, an associate of mine called to break the news that Angelina Jolie had decided to adopt a child from her own uterus and the conversation quickly turned to how to destroy a creature of such genetic potential. This is where Supreme Court nominee, Samuel Alito comes in.
As we all know, Alito’s confirmation to the Supreme Court would deal a swift and decisive blow not only to the unborn kin of Hollywood stars, but to even the most insignificant fetus developing in the trashiest of wombs America has to offer.
It is my belief that abortion is a fine instrument of population control. There are those in certain walks of life who breed as if it is a sport and then leave it up to the state to care for their children. We all know this, and whether or not we speak of it is a different story. In watching the hearings of Judge Alito it occurs to me that the Democrats are again standing on the edge of a political cliff, and sliding off of it ever so quickly with every Shumer rant and Kennedy tantrum.
The only points the Democrats could muster in the 20 something hours of questioning is that, in their opinion, Samuel Alito was a racist because he went to Princeton, and that being a strict constitutionalist, he would cast a vote against Roe v. Wade. If anyone watching those hearings came away with faith in the Democratic party, then let them stand up and be stoned by the rest of us who saw a crew of indignant, arrogant, slimy, self-righteous Senators from the left try to destroy a man of impeccable character and professionalism.
Roe v. Wade will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, be overturned. It would be political suicide and it would alienate a great majority of Independents in this country, and the Independents who win elections. Even in an alternate universe where Roe v. Wade was overturned, it would mean nothing except abortion would be illegal in states like Alabama and Arkansas and legal in states like Connecticut, New York, and California.
The scare tactics the Democratic senators put on during the Alito hearings are a moot point. These men know that and most intelligent individuals also know it. It is you, dear reader, the average, barely literate college student with no real political savvy or independent voice they are speaking to. The arrogant rants and condescending tone of these men and women from the left are meant to sway the non-voters and the fools. The Dems no longer have a leg to stand on, politically, and they charge that the GOP is not in the “mainstream”, when they haven’t won a significant election in five years.
The arrogance of the left is almost worth our pity, they act like spoiled children when they don’t get their way, they throw tantrums, blame others for their own shortcomings, and they take no responsibility for their actions (see: John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, etc.). The Alito hearings made Bush and Alito look like a million bucks, while the Dems tripped all over themselves to look like, well, assholes.
The empty threats of a looming filibuster aside, the confirmation of Alito should go off without a hitch, he is credible, intelligent, has the highest rating possible given to him by the American Bar Association, and is not interested in legislating from the bench, a particular stake in the heart of the Democrats.
Remember, dear readers, the world exists outside a college campus and you won’t be twenty years old forever. Just because you don’t like one person in a party, it isn’t wise to discredit the whole lot or the principles the party was founded on. The Democratic party is dying, and that is not the view of a hard-line Republican, it’s a fact even within that party. Get out while you can, boys and girls, do you want left wing lunatics like Chuck Shumer and Joe Biden running things? I think not.
So keep the coat hangers hot and the legs open, friends, abortion is safe.

Avellinos delights downtown

(11/13/05) restaurant review

The downtown renaissance in New Haven has breathed new life into the dining experience of the Elm City. A new gem to be found downtown is Avellino’s Trattoria, located across from the Colliseum on Orange Street. With another location in Fairfi eld, this new addition to New Haven is sure to please the palettes of all who walk through its doors. This restaurant is best described as an Italian wine bar. Do not let this title fool you though, the food is top notch and the wine selection goes perfectly with the menu.
This eatery is not the run of the mill establishment one fi nds dotted throughout the normal New Haven landscape.
Its menu is thorough and full of culinary surprises, ranging from the beef tenderloin with an herb cheese polenta side to the spicy seared rare tuna. All of the dishes on the menu have a contemporary Italian fl avor.
The food is complimented by a comfortable atmosphere as well as a liberal bar area to enjoy pre-meal cocktails or a night of libations with friends or a date. With pillow-laden seating and low lighting, Avellino’s dining area lends itself to a quiet night out with your signifi cant other or as a meeting place for business ventures.
While the mood of Avellino’s may be excellent for a quiet night out, do not be fooled, the atmosphere is exactly what is needed in the fair Elm City: an upscale collegiate hangout with a great menu and a classy atmosphere.
The experience is made complete by the courteous and knowledgeable staff. This interviewer has a limited knowledge of wine and my fears of ordering incorrectly were quelled by the gracious staff, who informed me of the right wine for each course. This spot is at the top of the downtown renaissance in New Haven.
Entrees at Avellino’s run from $11-$29 and are worth every penny for presentation alone.
Happy Hour at Avellino’s is Tuesday through Friday from 5-8 p.m., which includes halfprice martinis and $3 drafts, with wine-tasting every Friday from 5-8 p.m. This establishment offers something every night for the distinguished connesiuer of fi ne dining. Parking is validated in the adjacent lot, which eliminates the normal headache of nightly parking downtown.
For more information visit Avellino’s website at www.avellinostrattoria.com and browse selections from the extensive menu. Private dining areas are available and with seating for up to 200 people, the restaurant is perfect for any event.
I recommend Avellino’s to all who have a taste for fine dining and are looking for a fun and tasteful distraction from the normal New Haven fare. Enjoy a fi ne wine with your meal and relax in this restaurant, which will undoubtedly be around for years to come.