And I ran, Iran so far away...

(2/8/06)

This week brought us the usual Muslim fundamentalist fury, rebelling against the Capitalist infidels and such, but a much more ominous day is dawning in the historically tranquil Middle East. Yes, with a Danish cartoonist making light of Mohammed in a political cartoon where the Muslim prophet has a bomb as a turban, the Islamic world is up in arms. In a reaction against this cartoon, the fundamentalists have been burning Danish and Norwegian Embassies across the Middle East in a show of monumental hypocrisy. These zealots seem to forget the regular cartoons in their papers depicting the Jews as a “hook-nosed, money grubbing people who control the world’s economy.” Now perhaps my upbringing as an American infidel has swayed my opinion, but that seems to be a bit hypocritical to this nonbeliever.
We have to wonder whether these people are insane or just stupid. My apologies to whatever the percentage of the Southern population allies themselves with this fundamentalist nonsense, but when are we going to stop taking their tantrums and start recognizing them as a cancer on modern society? Every day, there are news pieces about some Embassy in Syria being torched because of something as trivial as a political cartoon or some journalist being knocked off because she is an American woman. It would be beyond their comprehension to just knock off the killings and learn to take a joke. Perhaps if these zealots didn’t take to killing every time they disagreed with someone they’d be on a much more stable ground in the arena of global politics.
Leading this fundamentalist charge is Iran, who, for some reason is causing a stir with their aspirations for a nuclear program solely aimed at developing cheap energy for their peaceful population. Their utterly insane “President” Mamoud Ahmandinejad has recently ousted the IAEA, International Atomic Energy Agency, from Iran and in essence, told the United Nations to get out of his country. This doesn’t say much, however, because the United Nations has no real power other than to shake its collective finger and tell a country that they disagree.
The Iranian president has recently made statements denying the Holocaust and urging that Israel be “wiped off the map.” His paranoia has led him to defy the UN, make statements against Israel, the European Union, and America, as well as halt all Western broadcasts within Iran for fear of pro-democratic propaganda reaching his people.
I fully expect the European nations, aside from Britain, to fold and allow Ahmandinejad to act with impunity (see: Adolph Hitler circa 1938). This European cowardice will inflate Iran’s already brash and arrogant self-view and propel them to an even more dangerous force in the Middle East. When one postulates the future of this particular matter, it becomes cause for concern due to Iran’s relationship with China and Russia. Iran has signed an agreement with China that secures several billion barrels of oil to the Chinese over the next 30 years, and this deal is already paid for. Russia has garnered multi-billion dollar deals with the Iranians to build and share technology which would be used in their nuclear reactors - for peaceful purposes of course. The Chinese, with their bursting industrial economy will undoubtedly seek to protect their billion-dollar investment in Iranian oil supplies and the cash-strapped Russians will seek the same protection. This puts the United States in quite a predicament.
Does the United States capitulate the disarming of Tehran’s nuclear ambitions and simply issue angry finger-waving and a few sanctions, or do we run the risk of shaking things up with the Russians and the Chinese as well as the whole Muslim fundamentalist movement? It seems improbable that the Iranians want to use a nuclear program for energy alone. Do we trust that the Chinese and Russians, both only lukewarm allies to the United States, to keep the Iranians from pursuing the enrichment process needed to garner weapons-grade uranium? If the present state of Muslim politics and policies is any indication, this lowly columnist believes that Iran’s nuclear program should be shut down, and by force if necessary.
The most intriguing option is for Israel to act preemptively against the hostile Iranians. An anonymous source inside the Israeli Defense ministry recently stated that almost all of Iran’s reactors could be taken out in a swift aerial attack using F-16’s and U.S. “bunker-buster” attack missiles. Israel, who does have a nuclear armament, could strike Tehran before any negotiations because of Iran’s increasingly harsh statements aimed at the Middle East country. If this happens it will likely cause a counter strike and when that happens we’ll undoubtedly swoop in to Israel’s aid.
No matter which side of the political aisle one is on, it is obvious that Iran is dangerous and must be dealt with before it attains nuclear weapons. It’s bad enough that North Korea and its psychotic midget leader allegedly have a nuclear weapon, the world doesn’t need the main supporter of terrorism attaining nuclear capability.
The world is a very dangerous place these days and with Hamas gaining control of the Palestinian government, Iran making threats and posturing itself as a faux world power, we need to do something to keep this fundamentalist nonsense in check. Using diplomacy or turning the Middle East in to a sheet of glass, something must be done.
I don't think I'm alone in believing that enough is enough, the Islamic zealots should be dealt with swiftly and harshly, let them go to their 70 virgins and deal with that headache and leave the rest of the world to itself. Enough of this sensitivity, coddling and patting the zealots on there backs and telling them that their beliefs are just fine. Our acceptance of them is just encouraging this dangerous behavior. We have the capability of wiping these religious thugs out swiftly, so why not do it before they get the chance to do it to us. I'd feel a hell of a lot safer with the entire fundamentalist population dead and enjoying their virgins than I would being blasted out of Starbucks because they don't like my cinnamon dolce latte.

New Orleans: the "chocolate" city

(2/6/06)

In a speech given on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, New Orleans Mayor--and evacuation expert-Ray Nagin informed the audience of his plans for rebuilding the Crescent City, or at least what was once called the Crescent City. Mayor Nagin has proposed a new nickname for his city, this one a testament to reverse racists around the country and one that invokes imagery that will surely set Civil Rights in the Deep South back decades: This new name, the Chocolate City.
Yes, that’s correct, the “Chocolate” New Orleans. The actual quote is as follows.
“It’s time for us to come together. It’s time for us to rebuild New Orleans-the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans.” This was said in Nagin’s best Jesse Jackson impression, complete with dramatic pauses and stressed syllables in order to make the drivel seeping out of his mouth sound prophetic. Perhaps it is just my humble opinion, but shouldn’t black people be at least a little offended by this statement? As a group of people who feel they’ve gotten the proverbial shaft throughout much of America’s history, I find it a little insulting that they’re referred to as chocolate in a speech on Martin Luther King Jr. Day of all times. If Rudy Guiliani wanted to rebuild the Vanilla Towers or if San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom wanted to build the Fudge Tunnel under the bay, I would imagine that whites and homosexuals would be a bit taken aback and offended by these statements.
I am unsure if the mainstream media’s lack of coverage of this event is meant to give Nagin a free pass or to avoid touching the third rail of race relations, especially when it’s the reverse racism conveyed in this statement.
Nagin also went on to shame the “uptown” crowd who weren’t the real victims of Katrina’s fury, hence they are effected less than those intellectual giants in the ghettos who decided to ride out the storm. If this and his “chocolate” slip weren’t inflammatory statements enough, the good Mayor decided to shed some light on the real reason for Hurricane Katrina, because we all look to ineffective mayors for insightful and meaningful social commentary. The real reason for New Orleans’ destruction: God. That’s right, God is just angry at America because of the war in Iraq so he decided to smite us and he started in New Orleans.
Mayor Wonka has decided to really make the most of his 15 minutes and air his political thoughts to a country of people who are doing his job for him. With an unprecedented amount of aid dollars streaming in to New Orleans and a recovery effort that is taking shape slowly but surely, I find it curious that the mayor has nothing else to talk about except President Bush’s decision to go to war in Iraq. Shouldn’t he be aiding in the building of chocolate levies or breaking ground on the Hershey Superdome? Shouldn’t Mr. Nagin be making the rounds in his glass elevator and doing some real good instead of voicing his foolish opinions and short changing his race at every opportunity he gets.
This week the employees of the Shell petroleum company moved back into their corporate headquarters in New Orleans, which has been steadily regaining much of its corporate tax base in recent months. This hasn’t been reported in the mainstream press because it is news of white-collar job growth and hence, not interesting because it doesn’t tell the tale of “chocolate” people returning to their waterlogged homes. As an American, I am fed up with the news media’s depiction of New Orleans as a city of helpless victims. Is it not clear to us that New Orleans is more than a poor black neighborhood or two. How many special reports do we have to see on NBC or CBS to tell us that there are jobless people in New Orleans...and that they’re black. Here’s an idea, how about we stop claiming that someone’s race is a handicap and let the people of New Orleans do what they have to do to get back on their feet.
Race is not a handicap, so stop using it as a crutch. When any group of people are made to look foolish by one of their own, whether its Ray Nagin or Louis Farrakhan, the whole movement and any progress that has been made is crippled by the special treatment demanded by these lightening rods. God isn’t punishing New Orleans for the violence in society or the violence in black culture, as Nagin suggested. God isn’t smiting us for the war in Iraq either. New Orleans isn’t a “chocolate city” and to suggest it was, is, or ever will be is an insult to one’s fellow citizens.
Mayor Nagin has proved over and over again that he is not the man for the job in New Orleans. His lack of political savvy or any other kind of savvy, for that matter, has only highlighted the problems facing the Crescent City in the future.
Democrat or Republican, someone has to step up to the plate and stop the racist nonsense being spewed in this recovery period. The recent hurricanes have effected almost every aspect of life in this country, no where is this seen more than in the ignorance of the vocal minority of this country who claims the Bush administration blew up the levies in New Orleans in order to wipe out the lesser tax bracket, or in the opinions of the left who claim the President doesn’t care about black people. Whether its Kanye West, John Kerry, or Willy Wonka, we have to realize these polarizing figures are a cancer on society.
Only in today’s society can inconsequential people like Ray Nagin use the sappy, overly sensitive press to spew their racially motivated hate speech while billions of dollars are pouring in to help those individuals that are crying foul.

Roe will survive Alito's confirmation

(1/25/06)

Last week, an associate of mine called to break the news that Angelina Jolie had decided to adopt a child from her own uterus and the conversation quickly turned to how to destroy a creature of such genetic potential. This is where Supreme Court nominee, Samuel Alito comes in.
As we all know, Alito’s confirmation to the Supreme Court would deal a swift and decisive blow not only to the unborn kin of Hollywood stars, but to even the most insignificant fetus developing in the trashiest of wombs America has to offer.
It is my belief that abortion is a fine instrument of population control. There are those in certain walks of life who breed as if it is a sport and then leave it up to the state to care for their children. We all know this, and whether or not we speak of it is a different story. In watching the hearings of Judge Alito it occurs to me that the Democrats are again standing on the edge of a political cliff, and sliding off of it ever so quickly with every Shumer rant and Kennedy tantrum.
The only points the Democrats could muster in the 20 something hours of questioning is that, in their opinion, Samuel Alito was a racist because he went to Princeton, and that being a strict constitutionalist, he would cast a vote against Roe v. Wade. If anyone watching those hearings came away with faith in the Democratic party, then let them stand up and be stoned by the rest of us who saw a crew of indignant, arrogant, slimy, self-righteous Senators from the left try to destroy a man of impeccable character and professionalism.
Roe v. Wade will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, be overturned. It would be political suicide and it would alienate a great majority of Independents in this country, and the Independents who win elections. Even in an alternate universe where Roe v. Wade was overturned, it would mean nothing except abortion would be illegal in states like Alabama and Arkansas and legal in states like Connecticut, New York, and California.
The scare tactics the Democratic senators put on during the Alito hearings are a moot point. These men know that and most intelligent individuals also know it. It is you, dear reader, the average, barely literate college student with no real political savvy or independent voice they are speaking to. The arrogant rants and condescending tone of these men and women from the left are meant to sway the non-voters and the fools. The Dems no longer have a leg to stand on, politically, and they charge that the GOP is not in the “mainstream”, when they haven’t won a significant election in five years.
The arrogance of the left is almost worth our pity, they act like spoiled children when they don’t get their way, they throw tantrums, blame others for their own shortcomings, and they take no responsibility for their actions (see: John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, etc.). The Alito hearings made Bush and Alito look like a million bucks, while the Dems tripped all over themselves to look like, well, assholes.
The empty threats of a looming filibuster aside, the confirmation of Alito should go off without a hitch, he is credible, intelligent, has the highest rating possible given to him by the American Bar Association, and is not interested in legislating from the bench, a particular stake in the heart of the Democrats.
Remember, dear readers, the world exists outside a college campus and you won’t be twenty years old forever. Just because you don’t like one person in a party, it isn’t wise to discredit the whole lot or the principles the party was founded on. The Democratic party is dying, and that is not the view of a hard-line Republican, it’s a fact even within that party. Get out while you can, boys and girls, do you want left wing lunatics like Chuck Shumer and Joe Biden running things? I think not.
So keep the coat hangers hot and the legs open, friends, abortion is safe.

Avellinos delights downtown

(11/13/05) restaurant review

The downtown renaissance in New Haven has breathed new life into the dining experience of the Elm City. A new gem to be found downtown is Avellino’s Trattoria, located across from the Colliseum on Orange Street. With another location in Fairfi eld, this new addition to New Haven is sure to please the palettes of all who walk through its doors. This restaurant is best described as an Italian wine bar. Do not let this title fool you though, the food is top notch and the wine selection goes perfectly with the menu.
This eatery is not the run of the mill establishment one fi nds dotted throughout the normal New Haven landscape.
Its menu is thorough and full of culinary surprises, ranging from the beef tenderloin with an herb cheese polenta side to the spicy seared rare tuna. All of the dishes on the menu have a contemporary Italian fl avor.
The food is complimented by a comfortable atmosphere as well as a liberal bar area to enjoy pre-meal cocktails or a night of libations with friends or a date. With pillow-laden seating and low lighting, Avellino’s dining area lends itself to a quiet night out with your signifi cant other or as a meeting place for business ventures.
While the mood of Avellino’s may be excellent for a quiet night out, do not be fooled, the atmosphere is exactly what is needed in the fair Elm City: an upscale collegiate hangout with a great menu and a classy atmosphere.
The experience is made complete by the courteous and knowledgeable staff. This interviewer has a limited knowledge of wine and my fears of ordering incorrectly were quelled by the gracious staff, who informed me of the right wine for each course. This spot is at the top of the downtown renaissance in New Haven.
Entrees at Avellino’s run from $11-$29 and are worth every penny for presentation alone.
Happy Hour at Avellino’s is Tuesday through Friday from 5-8 p.m., which includes halfprice martinis and $3 drafts, with wine-tasting every Friday from 5-8 p.m. This establishment offers something every night for the distinguished connesiuer of fi ne dining. Parking is validated in the adjacent lot, which eliminates the normal headache of nightly parking downtown.
For more information visit Avellino’s website at www.avellinostrattoria.com and browse selections from the extensive menu. Private dining areas are available and with seating for up to 200 people, the restaurant is perfect for any event.
I recommend Avellino’s to all who have a taste for fine dining and are looking for a fun and tasteful distraction from the normal New Haven fare. Enjoy a fi ne wine with your meal and relax in this restaurant, which will undoubtedly be around for years to come.

University offers programs for everyone

(10/5/05)

The Southern News headquarters is a very collegiate place: stickers of miscellaneous local bands, obscure pictures printed off the internet frame the walls, the foul odor of leftist propaganda clings to everything, and fl yers of all the latest Southern happenings litter mailboxes and desks. It was one of these fl yers I picked up on this fateful morning.
Copied on to festive orange paper of a medium grade it reads 'FUN in the FALL 2005' and lists the events on campus from September to December.
Like many of you, I routinely walk on by the university propaganda, but now that I'm offi cial I take a gander at the contents of the colored flyers.
Getting to the point, what in the name of the Great Magnet is the point of half the nonsense listed as university events? And who is coming up with, and allowing this abortion of fee dollars? Is it SGA, or is it incredibly foolish faculty? I cannot imagine who in their right mind would say 'yeah, I'm sure the kids will love playing Bingo.' Maybe I've lived a sheltered collegiate life, but I recall a 30 pack and scantily clad women being the usual entertainment for the evening, not bingo and shuffleboard. When seeing these advertisements I feel as if I go to school aboard a senior citizen cruise ship. Perhaps we'll even get free Depends undergarments instead of condoms this week! Being a man of reason and intellect, I would imagine that these events are the result of the politically correct lobbying forces on campus. We must at least look as if we are trying to please everyone at all times.
Thus is the reason we have the tragic story of Cambodian refugees one day and the riveting public speaking of Chuck D the next. I personally cannot wait to hear the tale of transgender Pygmies with SARS. What a treat it will be.
Have we truly brainwashed ourselves enough to believe anyone really appreciates the garbage entertainment that is thrown at us? Perhaps I would see things differently if I hadn't missed 'What Happy Faces Are Hiding,' a discussion about fighting depression. Come on, everyone, we're smarter than that. This university has money to burn, ask SGA what they spend their money on and they'll tell you some nonsense like gum removal or something of that ilk. I appreciate that the school is trying, but this school, like most institutions of 'learning' is caught up in the political correctness that comes with a state bureaucracy.
We are obsessed with making people feel warm and fuzzy and the temptation to waste money is simply too great to adhere to common sense and choose events based on mass appeal.
I'm sure that the six people on campus that see Chuck D and KRS One as enriching pubic speakers are really in heaven, but the other 10, 000 or so of us could really care less. In fact, I'm fairly certain that SCSU may be the only source of income for the once-mighty KRS One. I'm also fairly certain that the luster of a Psychic show dulls after the 8th performance of the year.
I'm uncertain what direction to go when it comes to suggesting events, and I admit that the arbiters of good taste that head up whatever bullshit committee it is that decides such things have a tough job, I can't imagine that finding something a tad more universal than the harrowing tale of Cambodian genocide, as told by Loung Ung doesn't exactly hit the mark on general appeal.
As the Chancellor of the College Republicans I am planning on having Congresswoman Nancy Johnson and Congressman Christopher Shays on campus this semester to talk with students. Again, perhaps it is the myopic, evil voice of a Republican talking, but I would imagine that the words of Congressmen would be a tad more attractive than the musical stylings of generic jazz artist or pianist, all playing their renditions of the Weather Channel's 5 day forecast.
Again, I find myself most likely preaching to the converted.
I?m certain that things will not be fixed here, nay, instead they will steadily decline until every single person on this campus has their own specifi c day for entertainment.
I can see it now, 'Scratching The Itch: Recovering Alcoholics with Leprosy.' Perhaps the normal student will be thrown a kernel of entertainment from time to time, but don't hold out for anything intellectually stimulating anytime soon. Instead we will all be in awe of yet another former Nazi who's seen the light or another Def Comedy Jam to bring joy to all of Southern. Godspeed, good readers, perhaps we'll angrily protest bingo or this year's spineless mob informant.
Whatever we do, stand up for good taste and fight the politically correct garbage we're being tied down and force-fed by this university.

America's favorite racist: Louis Farrakhan

(10/27/05)

With the conclusion of the Millions More March in Washington, D.C. we celebrate an end to the loudmouth nonsense of Louis Farrakhan, at least for now. I'm sure there are certain people on this campus who maintain that Farrakhan is visionary, but I personally have a hard time finding anything he says or does to be credible by any stretch of the imagination.
This man hides behind Islam in order to spew his racist rhetoric to all of those pathetic souls who are so desperate for a leader that they'll accept this fool as a viable cultural leader.
It is uncertain what the motivation was for this particular march. I suspect the motivation was they hadn't had any kind of march on Washington in a few years and felt as if the country would forget large minority groups could organize to show solidarity. The issue was undoubtedly something to do with oppression and being held down by society. The quest for any sort of viable statement or any respect was, of course, crippled by the presence of Louis Farrakhan.
Farrakhan recently appeared on FOX News in a publicity stop for the Millions More March and not only did he draw the much needed attention to his little march, but also proceeded in showing the world what a complete and utter psychopath he really is. Aside from affirming his notion that an evil scientist created white people, Mr. Farrakhan proclaimed the government destroyed the levies in New Orleans in order to eliminate the black and poor population.
Not to be outdone by these ridiculous statements, he enlightened the interviewer and television audience with an anecdote retelling his trip aboard a spacecraft where Muhammad and aliens informed him of the American government's plot to invade Libya. Surely the musing of a sane man.
There are times when I at least try to be objective, or use an objective point of view to base my rantings on, but these notions by Farrakhan are so preposterous that he deserves to be locked away. This man does little aside from incite the population and fi ll the minds of thousandswith his hate speech and racist rhetoric. I doubt there are millions of people who possess the capacity to be this mind-numbingly stupid.
I hope that Mr. Farrakhan intentionally causes such a stir in order to profit off the fools that believe him. If Mr. Farrakhan were white and wearing a tastefully embroidered white robe then he would be branded a racist and ostracized instead of being embraced the way the current media and culture currently views him. I am simply perplexed by the double standard that exists in race relations in our society. If a white man were to suggest an evil scientist created the black race there would be hell to pay.
Perhaps it is the paranoia of our society to call out a black man as a racist because we are unable to separate the stupid from the ignorant. The intellectual juggernauts behind the quest for racial equality that embrace Farrakhan, Al Sharpton, and others of this ilk must not realize the simple truth of the matter, which is these individuals set back racial relations by making racist statements themselves. These divisive fi gures such as Farrakhan and those on the other side of the spectrum are equally as foolish. Their rants prove to create a stalemate where no progress is made.
Farrakhan uses the Nation of Islam to hide behind his rhetoric, an institution that fell under the umbrella of other civil rights groups during a period in our nation's history where any anti-establishment, anti-white, anti-anything group gained immediate legitimacy because of the causes of the time. Minister Farrakhan is akin to any charlatan who uses the auspice of religion to advocate his or her nonsensical beliefs. This man sullies the otherwise honorable tradition and teachings of Islam by associating himself with the religion. His smug smile and ultra sincere face remind this humble white devil of a scheming pedophile that preys on the ignorance of children to forward his own agenda.
The Nation of Islam's official website advocates peace and understanding for all mankind, but its fi gurehead is one of the most racist and divisive fi gures in America.
Those who advocate against the government are not special these days. It is chic to Bushbash and rail against the ills of government, but when one individual with a far-reaching sphere of infl uence suggests institutional genocide against its own citizens, we must separate this as insane banter and not let it slip through the cracks of poor taste.
Farrakhan and his army of fools have paraded around long enough hiding behind slavery to launch their attacks on society.
Neither I, nor anyone I know of who is currently alive on this planet, was involved in the American slave trade and I am quite sick of hearing about it. I truly do not mean to be insensitive, but enough is enough.
Race relations are a joke now because if we all simply practiced self-reliance and quit the institutionalized culture of dependency then I guarantee a balance would be achieved.
When people march on the very city, which supports them, and complain about the ills of society are we expected to do anything about it? When will we ALL look inward and realize the problem isn't with society, it is with ourselves and our own conditioning.
I realize this country is not ready for the radical step of accepting personal responsibility and of letting go of something that ended 150 years ago. I understand a portion of the readers of this article will take this the wrong way and be offended because the third-rail of race was breached.
It is the opinion of myself and of most sane people, white, black, or otherwise, that Louis Farrakhan is a xenophobic con man who should be silenced and dragged by the bow tie to the nearest insane asylum. The culture of race relations is selfperpetuating and in large part due to blowhards like this and white supremacists, whose ignorance is the fuel for the fires they strive to put out.

Saddam offers textbook death penalty case

(10/12/05)

In yet another attack on the ridiculousness of liberalism, in its modern incarnation, it' time we take a gander at that other hot button issue: the glorious death penalty.
The death penalty isn' just something they do in Texas if they catch you for shoplifting; it is still on the books in many states, including this blue stronghold. It goes without saying that I' not just a proponent of the death penalty, I'm a big fan.
It has been said by some that my rants are occasionally a bit insensitive and scary, and if you're one of those who believe that line, then this article should be right up your alley.
In under a week the trial of Saddam Hussein, dethroned dictator and weekly contributor to the Southern News, is set to begin in Baghdad. In reading an article about this sham of a trial I came across a quote by a man known only as Ahmed, a security guard in Iraq. He is chiming in about the 'trial' of Mr. Hussein. 'Put Saddam in the streets of Baghdad, all of them in the street, and the people will just shoot him, finished.' Now they have the right idea. It is my contention that Ahmed should be nominated for the US Supreme court. It is this kind of straight talking that America needs concerning convicted criminals.
I?m sure the usual suspects have gathered for Saddam Hussein's trial. I have no doubt that the wretched ACLU, Amnesty International, and other mixed whiny human rights groups have their teary eyes turned towards this mockery of a trial to ensure Hussein is not mistreated or given an unfair trial.
It is so preposterous that a trial is even being held that it almost makes me laugh. I hesitate to laugh because those rooting for a fair trial and strict adherence to the Geneva Convention are actually serious. This blind eye towards the atrocities and despicable actions of the former 'President' of Iraq is truly disturbing. This man deserves no rights, no Doritos, and no fair trial. Would we be giving Adolf Hitler a garden and cheese doodles if we got him to trial after World War II, I really doubt it.
In historical perspective Hitler was exponentially worse than Saddam Hussein, of course, but we have to realize the scope of his treachery and then ask ourselves why we are even considering a trial.
Other war criminals may deserve a trial because some of them were simply acting for the preservation of their own lives and the lives of their family by obeying orders, and even my soft heart understands this.
Saddam Hussein was under no orders when he gassed his own people or when he used chemical weapons on Iran. Have we forgotten the mass graves our troops uncovered during this war? The bodies of Kurdish citizen, men, women, and children heaped in to ditches in order to silence any opposition.
This is not a man who deserves legal counsel.
Justice in this situation would be to let the citizens of Iraq unite in tearing him limb from limb and beating him as they did his famous statue. We fool ourselves in to thinking that the human race is above such barbarous behavior. The people of Iraq were held down and made to live in fear under his reign, both allies and enemies of this despot were victims of his insanity and those people deserve revenge.
This mockery of a trial is a testament to the overpowering stench of political correctness that is destroying this country from the inside out. This is just a global example used to highlight a problem that is far reaching and of national importance.
Would any one of you reading this think twice about violently eliminating someone who took a family member or friend from you? If you believe you wouldn't have those urges then you are kidding yourselves. There is nothing wrong with using Hammurabi as a barometer for dealing with violent criminals.
Would anyone blame the family of Lacy Peterson for claiming revenge on her despicable husband by taking his life? It just seems right and I'm damn sure it would be fulfilling to the grieving family. Cast stones if you will, but I say let the blood flow and let us stamp out crime by simply making the punishment effective.
Let the citizens of Iraq drag Saddam Hussein's dismembered body through the streets and emphatically stamp out the end of that oppressive era of their country's history.
With Hussein dead they can truly eliminate any faithful insurgency and move on to become a beacon of freedom and self governance.
Regardless of what anyone thinks about the war in Iraq, the fact remains that we're there and Hussein has been deposed and we can all hope for a free and democratic Iraq that rejoins the global community and serves as a gleaming example of freedom and hard work.
Let us learn from the nonsense of the politically correct left and consider harsh punishments for criminals and letting human vengeance police itself.
By no means am I advocating violence, it is a cancer on society, but when we encounter an individual with no regard for human life we must see that they will not be rehabilitated with hugs and sensitivity. So let us save tax dollars and empty all the Death row wings of our prisons and throw another killer on the fire so that we may discourage this behavior for the future. In order to make an omelet you have to break some eggs and such is the philosophy for stamping out violent crimes now and in the future.
Let those murderers, rapists, pedophiles and other twisted individuals be warned, some day we'll get back to basics and take away your Zoloft and replace it with cyanide. Don't worry, most of you will deny it publicly, but I know you agree.

Another day in hell

(10/12/05)

When will we all get fed up with this culture of paranoia? As a country we are obsessed with our own mortality and about whatever ills may befall us. Being in a crisis is what gets the media wet with excitement these days. We cannot wait for the next problem to erupt, and damn it, if there isn't a problem, we'll create one. This is the culture of journalism today, there is no regard for truth, only the pursuit of sensationalized garbage to fill the ticker at the bottom of the screen.
This week has been no different from the past few years where sensationalized news has been the norm. We were blessed with an alleged terrorist plot on the New York subway AND a strange, Third-world version of the flu.
Nothing fills white space in newspapers and magazines quite like terrorist plots in today's news. The flamboyant New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg stood in front of a very flustered group of serious looking officials and warned the world about an aborted terror plot that was supposed to take place in the subway. Being someone who has traversed the subway system many times, I have to admit apathy at this warning. If you're on the subway and it blows up the aesthetics of the station will most likely be improved and the only thing you'll feel is a muchneeded breeze. If you happen to be the one on the subway car that goes down, the chances are pretty good that you just have a lot bad karma built up.
People outside of New York City are likely the only people who took note of this earth-shattering warning .
New Yorkers are tough people and the media played up this situation to give their faithful readers and watchers , though who knows how many people are actually literate these days, something to bitch about the next day at work in order to make themselves believe they're smart.
With the teary-eyed Brian Williams or the ubersincere Lester Holt breaking the news to us about the close call to New York we are powerless to resist breathing a deep sigh of relief about an event that no one really needed to know about.
What is better than being bludgeoned over the head with insignificant news items and being forced to believe they have relevance? Here's an idea: a strain of the flu that has the possibility of striking down villagers in some tremendously insignificant region of the world.
Taking the heat off hurricane relief and terror plots is the Avian Bird Flu, the chic sickness du jour. This flu is yet another strain of flu which has stricken people that most of us will never be able to care about. In the piss poor conditions of Burma or Bangladesh it looks as if even the chickens and other birds are getting packed in a little too tight. Every year there is some sort of sickness that takes out the overpopulated areas of the world and everyone is afraid for a few weeks and then it passes. Like the waxing and waning of the moon, it is assured that some of the less fortunate will be eradicated in cycles each year.
Even the president chimed in on the bird flu in classic nonchalant fashion, saying that the real trouble is 'when it goes from bird to person, to person.' This is something that a few eggheads from the United Nations care about because its their job to give a damn about Botswana, but otherwise it should really scare no one. Let us thank journalism in this country though, friends.
Instead of a sickness sweeping through worthless Third-world 'nations', we are force-fed a line of crap which makes us care about this and fear something that civilized nations have nothing to do with.
Journalism has become so sensationalized in our current atmosphere that every story is blown out of proportion to the point of absurdity. Print journalism is nearly dead and television is taking over. Television news is a total abortion of fact, no matter if you watch FOX news or CNN, all of it is biased, slanted, and sensationalized.
Do not trust anything that claims to be unbiased and be wary of those who claim neutrality. The news is crap and the quicker you learn that, the better off you'll be. So the next time you're trying to impress people with the latest breaking news please heed my call and realize that the Avian flu doesn't mean a thing and no one really cares about made-up terror plots.

Ramifications of cell phone law

(10/12/05)

In the 12 days since the new cell phone law has gone in to effect, my life and the lives of my associates have been assaulted by the ineptitude of others. Is it my fault that other people do not possess the ability to drive and talk at the same time. Should I suffer because these fools do not have the grasp of multitasking that I do? I think not; this law is having the opposite effect than it was intended to have. Instead of riding safely in my vehicle focusing on the road while I talk to my associates, I spend my time examining my mirrors trying to spot the fuzz. The result of this paranoia is unsatisfactory driving, and being a man with a tremendous driving record, I take this law as an insult to my motoring ability.
I find it unusual that a law is passed requiring equipment that is not provided upon the successful legislation of said law. I refuse to buy a headset for my cell phone when I had no say in the passing of this law. Not only is it foolish to not provide equipment which would ensure the safety we so desperately want to legislate, the hands-free device makes individuals appear to be schizophrenics (not to mention pretentious assholes).
If I am paying my cell phone bill then I reserve the right to talk whenever and wherever I want, provided I am in public.
This law was passed to garner votes for my father's generation, who are still not quite comfortable with cell phones.
These people feel the need to shout into phones because they are small and they assume that this size requires a louder pitch in order to be heard. It is no wonder that these people (also the majority of the voting populous) cannot drive and talk at the same times. Most people do not realize the political ramifications and impetus of this law.
This law is not only aimed at foolish teenage mall girls like most people assume, it is for our parents and their valuable voting demographic.
I know I'm not the only person feeling this anger towards legislators. Very few of my compatriots will bend to the will of the esteemed Connecticut legislature and its evil overlord, Richard Blumenthal. This man, who wastes tax-payer dollars like no other, have turned this state upside down looking for things to rail against. I hope we all remember the landmark State of Connecticut vs. Snapple case or even more, the groundbreaking State of Connecticut vs. Blockbuster Video case. In the Blockbuster case, Attorney Blumenthal threw caution to the wind and selflessly stood up against this corporate juggernaut and proclaimed that it was indeed NOT the 'end of late fees' as these vile Blockbusterites had proclaimed. Let us all give a nod of appreciation to this perpetually bored and trite individual and his asinine political aspirations.
The only exception to this foolhardy law could be our esteemed wheelchair-bound friends. I was stuck behind one of these individuals who was ironically jabbering on his cellphone while wheeling down a steep embankment where he nearly lost control because his attention was obviously on his phone conversation instead of the rugged terrain he was encountering.
I have to wonder if this individual could be cited the way I would be if I were caught in the dastardly deed of cell phone use while I was driving. Perhaps this is a double standard that we should all be aware of. This is not meant to incite, only to be food for thought when considering the ramification of this particular law.
I have little else to do in my car other than drive, and talking on the cell phone offers little distraction, but when a wheel chair bound individual cannot properly control his or her direction I am forced to question the target audience of this law. I do not mean to be trite, I only wish this law was more well thought out and not the product of politically motivated pandering.
To be serious, this law has made driving more difficult for many and the policing of this law is yet to be determined, but I would rather take my chances driving and focusing on the road than driving around looking for police cars. If police officers can drive around looking for evil-doers, checking their computers, using the radio, and using cell phones, then I think my crime of talking while driving pales in comparison. Perhaps we should outlaw makeup application, hair grooming and all conversation while in our vehicles as well. This law will hopefully be short lived and eventually become unenforceable like the laws against sodomy and swearing, as long you're focused and pay attention to detail, it won't hurt anyone.

Roberts' confirmation

(10/5/05)

With the confirmation of John G. Roberts last week and the president's nomination of Harriet Miers this week, Washington is abuzz with hatespeak and conspiracy rumors. Roberts has been a hit for Bush, even though he has certain Democrats wary because of his unblemished background and status as a Constitutionalist.
Some choose to perceive a strict adherence to the Constitution as damaging.
Some people also believe the Supreme Court is a place where the legislative agendas of certain parties is carried out and passed into law. Roberts has drawn the ire of some Democrats because he is too polished, too professional, and just too good to be true. The man listens and understands precedent and this means that the sacred cow of the argument against any conservative judge is nullified.
The sacred cow I'm talking about is the issue of abortion.
There are some ill-informed people who believe that a conservative Supreme Court will instantly abolish legal abortions and push for biblical social agendas. Roberts, and most justices, understand the precedent set by Roe vs. Wade and they will never overturn it, especially since it becomes a state issue if taken off the books in federal courts. In speaking to Democrats and the Liberal set, the biggest fear voiced to me is this insane belief that abortion will instantly be outlawed and forced underground where butchers and back-alley doctors will become the primary means of population control.
I feel I should take this opportunity to let some people in on a little secret: most Republicans, especially those of us in the northeast, are very moderate on social issues. A perfect example of this is Connecticut Congressman, Christopher Shays. In the grand scheme of national politics Mr. Shays and Connecticut republicans in general are quite liberal.
Not one Republican that I know who is of college age is opposed to abortion. I believe that all males in this age group are wary of getting a woman pregnant and I know that I would be the fi rst in line for the ovarian mulligan if I were in that situation. Having had heated debates with some of the esteemed staff of the Southern News on the subject it becomes apparent to me how myopic the view of the left actually is. There would be hell to pay if Roe vs. Wade were reversed. Even I realize that the abortion is a vital part of American culture: imagine how much we?d pay in taxes taking care of these unwanted children. The only benefi t I can see to this is an improved well from which we can pluck professional athletes.
As usual I've gone a bit awry and let my passion for politics get the better of me. Getting back to the anti-Roberts argument I feel I have to respond to certain accusations and baseless claims. I have to wonder if being a well to do white male of Ivy League stock and a participant in certain professional and social organizations such as the Masons or the Federalist's Society is grounds enough to discredit someone in today's political arena. Some people dislike John Roberts for these reasons and believe that he is a scheming harbinger of evil because he appeared confi dent, competent, and collected.
I would be lying if I said I didn't believe that Harriet Miers isn't the beneficiary of some good old fashioned affirmative action, so I can't see why the Democrats are already salivating at the thought of her Senate hearings. Everyone with any political intelligence was shouting at the heavens when Bush slated Roberts to take Justice O'Connor's place because he is a male. Now that the GOP threw those folks a bone with the nomination of Miers, they are fi nding new things to complain about. I do not know enough specifi cs about Miers, aside from her very distinguished career in Texas, where she served as president of the Texas Bar Association and her post as White House legal counsel.
It has been said that Ms. Miers has no prior experience, and that would disturb me if our past chief justice hadn't been charged with the same claims when he was installed during the glorious Nixon administration.
Appointing a Supreme Court justice with no prior experience wouldn't be as silly as, say, having countries like North Korea, Iran, or Syria on Human Rights Committees in the United Nations.
The ridiculousness of the entire political arena has made a mockery of the process and it is this deviation from strict adherence to the constitution and the liberalism run amok that makes Roberts the perfect man for the job of Chief Justice. The jury is still out on Miers and who knows what dirt the Dems will dig up or plant to discredit her.

Celebrities: America's forgotten heroes

(9/28/05)

A teary-eyed and post-menopausal Barbra Streisand sat down with ABC News' Diane Sawyer and proclaimed that the world is entering a 'global warming emergency.'
Of course when the weather gets rough we turn to Babs to inform us on the meteorological events happening around the globe. Streisand, who is an outspoken Democrat and a borderline mongoloid, has again chimed in on current events and made her presence and intelligence known to all of those who actually watch ABC.
While nervously flipping through the channels this past weekend in order to escape hurricane coverage I believe I caught a snapshot of Sean Penn riding a tornado, a la Pecos Bill, to the rescue of the downtrodden victims of Rita. As we all remember, Sean Penn's last rescue effort during Katrina was thwarted when this intellectual juggernaut and camera hog ran out of gas in mid rescue. While this may warm the hearts of those 500 pound trailer-bound women who worship the Star as gospel, but to the rest of us it appears to be foolish celebrities who are so full of themselves that they are delusional enough to believe the world gives a shit about their opinions.
It is unfortunate that one's ability to play a part in a movie or sing a song is equated with any sort of credibility. When Sean Penn or Ed Begley Jr.
choose to involve themselves with situations that are being handled by the proper authorities, it is both disrespectful to the government and foolish from a public relations standpoint.
Even Angelina Jolie, bless her perfectly shaped lips and sexual magnetism, makes herself look like a psychopath when collecting children like Beanie Babies in third-world nations. While there is a certain appeal to having your family look like an ethnic scavenger hunt, one must realize that normal people do not behave this way. Give money, volunteer some time (ANONYMOUSLY), and let the proper people handle matters such as this.
With Mrs. Streisand-Brolin shooting her mouth off on national television, she serves no purpose aside from embarrassing herself and further decaying the credibility of the entertainment industry. I personally will not watch a Sean Penn movie where he doesn't play someone with a mental handicap and it would be a cold day in Jerusalem when I listen to a Barbara Streisand ballad. These people are sadly the norm in Hollywood and are threatening to take over all of California. If it weren't for the militia-minded inland residents of the Golden State, the entire landscape would be littered with refugee children and jobless, pot smoking idealists-even more than it already is.
The leftist movement that people like Streisand and Penn belong to is unfortunately becoming the norm for the Democrats and such a turn is doing little, aside from painting the whole as sympathizers of these egomaniacs. People like Howard Dean are a product of this shift in political sense.
The overwhelming majority of Democrats are normal people, but the only ones who get any press are the extremists like Michael Moore, Martin Sheen, and others of that mold.
When our country actually gives people like Barbara Streisand the time to spew their nonsense it is a sign that the press is a part of this monstrous divide between normal people and the elite of society. It is truly laughable that Streisand is predicting weather patterns and warning us all of impending natural disasters. Along with being the arbiter of all that is politically right, she finds the time to devote herself to the selfless pursuit of meteorology.
She does this for us all, not because of a selfish need to see her name in print or hear her name on CBS and ABC news.
Without this inflated sense of self-worth where would these oft forgotten about celebrities be? At least Gary Busey attempts to get himself in shape in his down time, and he's a Pabst away from being locked in a padded room. Barbara Streisand doesn't have it in her to be on a fat farm show so instead she fills her time reading Michael Moore's online journal and thinking of ways the Bush administration is bringing about the end of the world.
When Martin Sheen calls at 3 in the morning ranting about how he can't get his defense secretary on the phone, Babs is always there to reassure him that he doesn?t have the problem, America does.
Perhaps I am the one who is wrong, maybe the secret meetings being held at the local Scientology center are bringing about good results for this country. We can all get on John Travolta's 757 and jet over to the Sudan so we can salvage what's left of Starbuck's coffee fields that have innocently been caught in the middle of the latest bout of ethnic cleansing.
On the way back we can buy a few locals from a market in Sri Lanka to bring back to Angelina and Brad, just in case our ego's weren't big enough when we saved all the director's cut DVD copies of 'Yenta' from Best Buy in New Orleans to keep the Streisand empire afloat.
At the end of the day the few intelligent people left roaming around this once proud country need to be resolute and not tolerate this celebrity infiltration of the media. Streisand is not a meteorologist, Penn is not a bayou airboat captain, Angelina Jolie is not a UN Ambassador, and Martin Sheen is not the president. As long as we remember this, then some bit of respectability may survive in the otherwise dying medium of print and television 'journalism.' God help us.

DeLauro and co. misdirect funds for ACE program

(9/28/05)

I'm writing this week in response to my own article last week in the News section of the paper where I covered a press conference hailing the accomplishments of Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro in securing $750,00 for the ACE, Accelerated Certification for Educators program.
The only responses I ever see to my musings are usually by irate leftists or misinformed Socialists so I figured it would be fun to join the party.
As an opinionated man it was somewhat of a curveball to cover an actual news story and do it objectively. I usually leave such endeavors for those more experienced in the mundane, but in a moment of good faith I allowed myself to become part of the media. As I covered said press conference I found it difficult to maintain my objective journalistic composure, instead I yearned to completely bash and discredit the whole event.
I eventually wrote an unbiased piece, which was both well received by my co-workers and a shot of self-esteem to myself, proving that I could write professionally if I so desired.
A slow news week and my retiring from hurricane coverage has left me devoid of any other topics, so now the ACE program is going to get my real opinion.
The ACE program, its 63 students and its $750, 000 are stealing from the government and a program based only in politics. DeLauro has missed the point when it comes to improving education. Why secure money for people who are already moderate successes in the business world to go back to college? These individuals have their degrees and can manage for themselves. I am just an outside observer, of course, but it seems to me that the money would be better spent improving education and aiding future teachers in other ways.
Perhaps that allocation of funds can go to products of the inner city schools so they they may get their teaching certification.
I?m sure that most of the people seeking their accelerated certification can afford the tuition of a state school.
Why not invest this money in the very system that the benevolent congresswoman is trying to help by giving it to inner city graduates so that they may get their degrees and return to the schools they are products of. This idea, which I know is revolutionary to myopic public officials, would serve those urban areas because there is a chance that these individuals would actually stay in the schools and want to teach underprivileged children.
It is a joke to believe that the good souls benefiting from the ACE program will be teaching at an inner city school one day longer than they have to. It would be foolish to think everyone in this program has the most pure intentions in mind.
These people realize that the job market is still somewhat unstable and what profession is out there where you can screw up constantly, be ineffective, belong to a ridiculously strong union, get amazing benefits, receive a comfortable check, and get summers off? Hmmm, wait a minute, that profession is teaching.
The press conference was classic back patting and reaffirming the cronyism that permeates politics on all levels.
Everyone was in awe of this masterful fiscal victory of De- Lauro's that no one stopped to think of any better allocations for the funds given. I could list better uses for the $750,000 for another 10,000 words, but I believe anyone in and around an educational atmosphere would be able to find better uses for the money being filtered into the ACE program.
Tell me what a lawyer and others with bachelors degrees in math and the sciences needs with a scholarship that outweighs the needs of children or aspiring teachers from underprivileged areas. The CSU brass along, with the liberal New Haven elite see this as a victory for inner city education, and it is if you belong to a party that bleeds money without any regard for the long term ramifications of their actions. Why would we waste such money on individuals that have been out of college for years when we could get more out of our money by investing it in 18 year olds who have several more years of productivity in them than the lauded ACE participants.
The system as a whole does not understand that you cannot fix a problem by throwing money in all directions and claiming responsibility when one program out of a thousand actually ends up showing positive results. Do some research, congresswoman, put that money into after school programs for these underfunded schools, perhaps funnel that money into a benefit account for those who remain as teachers in the inner cities. Giving scholarships to 63 able bodied tax paying professionals is not the answer.
There are schools in this country where teachers have to buy their own paper and pay for their own copies, perhaps this should be addressed before we throw our money away trying to fill jobs that will easily be filled with the influx of college graduates every May who desperately seek teaching jobs in Connecticut because of the previously mentioned benefits and pay rates.
So let us thank congresswoman DeLauro for her tireless efforts to piss away taxpayer money in the form of misguided programs. I'm sure someone's heart is in the right place in all of this, but I highly doubt it belongs to DeLauro.
This little program is a nudge to all the egghead elite in New Haven to stock up the city full of new recruits and take care of a long term problem with a short term solution. I'm sure the school systems of Westport and all of Fairfield county will benefit from this program more than New Haven and Bridgeport, but I'm sure with the education system the way it is, it is plain to see that the beaurocrats know what they're doing.
So kudos to you, ACE students, you?ve successfully screwed the system.
And to all others involved, congratulations, I'm sure the next time you read about an underprivileged school system that is located nowhere near your homes, your hearts will grow warm and you'll feel like you've contributed. In reality you've participated in pissing away funds that could go to the people that really need them.

ACE program aids teacher development

(9/21/05)

New Haven Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro, as well as Southern Connecticut State University President Cheryl Norton and other distinguished guests, formally unveiled the Accelerated Certifi cation for Educators Program on Monday at Hillhouse High School in New Haven.
This program, which is in its fi rst year, has $750,000 allocated for 63 aspiring teachers attending state universities in Connecticut, including Southern.
The premise of this program is to give teachers, who already have their bachelor degrees in mathematics and the sciences, an accelerated program to enable them to join the teacher workforce without the logistical hassle of attending school full-time and balancing other jobs.
Many of these individuals are already accomplished professionals who seek to change careers in order to contribute to the community.
The participants will work primarily with children in urban schools where there is a pressing need for motivated teachers. After the completion of their accelerated programs, they will be considered on loan to certain school systems throughout the state, depending on where they did their internships and in-class training.
According to DeLauro and other administrators, this influx of new blood into urban schools and the teaching force as a whole could not come soon enough. With an estimated 41 percent of teachers being over 50 years old, the need for teachers is expected to increase in the coming years.
New Haven and SCSU are receiving the lion's share of the appropriations for the project.
Out of 63 participants, 29 are attending Southern and doing their internships with urban schools in the New Haven area. Out of the $750,000 total budget, Southern is receiving $347,200. This allotment covers tuition for all 29 participants, including books and a $1,000 stipend for cost of living needs.
Paul Donahue, a participant attending Southern, said that his concern for at-risk youths and his desire to make a contribution to society is what prompted him to drop his other professional pursuits in favor of teaching.
Congresswoman DeLauro expressed a great appreciation and admiration for these individuals as well as proclaiming her desire to up the dollar figure to $1.5 million next year.
This particular program's success will hinge on the willingness of these men and women to stay within the lonely confines of inner-city education and reach those underprivileged individuals that people like Donahue feel need the most assistance and attention.

Democrat attack dogs leave Roberts unscathed

(9/21/05)

Last week served as a sinister affirmation of all that is evil in politics these days. Bloodthirsty Democrats took their turns trying to turn the screws on Chief Justice nominee, John Roberts.
Roberts ended up being the smoothest politician in a room full of the Senate elite. The top attack dogs of the left were out in full force trying to discredit a man who has documented support from both sides of the political spectrum. John Roberts, when he was allowed to answer, remained cool and collected in the face of outright attacks and name-calling during last week's confirmation proceedings.
Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Delaware), a man with ambitious presidential hopes in '08, started the party off with outrageous and slanderous personal questions aimed at knocking Roberts steady precedent-based judicial stances. Roberts, the most diplomatic man to enter Senate chambers in 20 years, was unflappable in his demeanor and in his answers. Biden charged Roberts with evading questions and skirting the issues, but one must remember that every nominee is entitled to, and does, duck questions when their name is called. The exact numbers are a bit hazy, but I recall reading an article in the dreaded New York Times where it stated that both Justice Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia refused to answer 50 out of 250 questions where Roberts has skirted or refused to answer a paltry 50 out of 400 questions posed to him.
Roberts has been charming and accommodating to even the most gruesome of villains. By this I mean one man: Edward Kennedy. Ted Kennedy is a relic on the Senate floor, a man who's liberal agenda and tastes for women, booze and camera time are legendary. Not to be outshone by Biden, Kennedy launched into a rant reminiscent of his boozing days at the Vineyard.
Kennedy had to be reprimanded by Sen. Arlen Spector (R-Pennsylvania), the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, several times and reminded that Roberts had to be given the opportunity to answer the questions that the senator offered.
As Roberts began to calmly answer the posed questions, Kennedy would launch into another diatribe aimed at assassinating the character of this mild-mannered nominee.
Despite the circling vultures, Roberts appears to be a sure thing for a confi rmation, but the lines have been drawn in the sand for the next poor soul our favorite Texan puts up for Justice. With Justice Ginsburg, a former head of the ACLU, being confi rmed with 98 votes and uberconservative Justice Scalia confi rmed with 97 votes, it boggles the mind that Roberts may only receive 70 votes when all is said and done.
In talking to both Democrats and Republicans and everyone from those in the far left to the far right, everyone seems to fi nd Roberts to be a fair and agreeable choice to head up the highest court in the land. Roberts has taken hits from Democrats concerning near-ancient memos dating back to his days as an attorney for the Gipper's administration where he made a comment that could, in a galaxy far, far away be construed as 'insensitive', back when the term 'insensitive' didn't exist and was only a sparkle in the eye of modern softies.
Other than the orchestrated inconsistencies from Roberts which were created in a Democratic think tank somewhere in France, the man is infallible: young, driven, unbiased, and more importantly, he finds precedent to be the primary tool in deciding difficult Supreme Court decisions. To translate for the slower folks in the crowd: John Roberts will NOT reverse Roe vs. Wade and abortion will NOT be illegal. So fear not, the ovarian mulligan is safe for another 40 years.
This nonsense we?re witnessing on the Hill is another example of the partisan nonsense destroying the political landscape. When a man of integrity and character is nominated that no one in the American public seems to be opposed to, continues to be crucifi ed by a group of overzealous egomaniacal publicity hogs, then we see a major dividing line in the political landscape that will not easily be forgotten or bridged.
Roberts will be confi rmed and he will undoubtedly go on to be a great Chief Justice, his temperament is right and his respect for the law is reassuring to even the most nervous liberal. The country will be well served by this man and his leadership. As dignifi ed as this process is making Roberts look, it is having the opposite effect on the Democratic brass in the Senate. Biden, Ted Kennedy, and people like Barbara Boxer and John Kerry have reduced themselves, with no help from that vast right wing conspiracy, to name-calling children and sore losers. The facelift the Democratic Party needs is not a group of angry, obstructionist Senators and loudmouth Congressmen and women. Perhaps this process will open the eyes of those undecided masses, as well as the power structure of the Democratic Party.
There are countless other things these individuals could be using their valuable time attempting to pass in Congress.
Hurricane relief, aiding Iraq, opening new avenues for oil production and alternative sources of energy just to name a few. Instead these individuals feel the need to get their faces on television in order to further their own agendas and generate support for their own races.

Animals the true victims of Katrina

(9/21/05)

Another day, another sob story from New Orleans. With blame being cast around all over the place and individuals from all sides bucking their responsibility we are desperately in need of a new crusade.
With tragedies come people the media likes to call 'heroes.' The media has focused the majority of the attention on the human interest stories and, quite frankly, who gives a damn at this point. The fact of the matter is that people can read newspapers and watch television and they could have easily done something about the approaching storm. The real victims of this storm were and still are the animals who belonged to these fools.
I have a place in my heart for the well being of people, even the people of New Orleans, but my heart goes out to the animals that can't act for themselves and could not properly ready themselves for the pending disaster. When the airtime switches from the downtrodden residents of the Big Easy strolling down the street with their new Nike's and 40 ounce bottles of Olde English to the emaciated dogs and cats that belonged to these citizens, then my pulse quickens and I am fi lled with rage that anyone would abandon a family pet in such a time of crisis.
If it were the case that I suffered major brain damage and neglected to leave with a category 5 baring down on my home then I am certain that I would maintain the mental faculties to save my dog. And perhaps it is just the Pilkerton family, but the family dog commands an equal place in any family decision. It would be a cold day in hell when the pet schnauzer would have to suffer in the elements and scrounge for survival.
Instead of the bleeding hearts all over the country pouring money in to relief funds for the foolish and incompetent, we should be coaxing them to contribute to the animal relief operations functioning in New Orleans and other affected areas.
I have no time for buying backpacks for the children of stupid parents who will not be going to school for months on end, even in the best of scenarios.
When I see the signs on campus for this particular fund raiser I must admit to questioning how many DVD's or cans of beer the parents of these children will be able to fit in their new North Face backpacks.
I have been an outspoken critic of this entire disaster operation from day one and while strolling through the local market the other day my heart went out to the Humane Society booth with the proceeds rescuing the forgotten victims of Katrina. I donated what little money I had and felt what I imagine the whining masses feel when they donate a bottle opener to the depraved souls of the Crescent city The animals are truly the victims of the human stupidity in this particular event. Again, I stress that the animals could not turn on the weather channel and see the stoic Jim Cantore anchored on the shores of Louisiana proclaiming a biblical deluge on the way. These animals, faithful to their owners until the end were tragically blind sided by this terrible event and subject to the whims of their owners, who more than likely had IQ?s challenging that of their canine and feline companions.
I urge all of you to give money not to the fools who were too ignorant to get out of their own damn way, instead, if you possess the fiscal luxury of donating money to this disaster then donate the money to the animal relief efforts and the local chapters of said outfi ts.
This event, despite some of my previous statements, is a tragedy because of the human loss and the economic hit the country as a whole has taken because of Katrina. The truly innocent and defenseless were not the poor or the temporary residents of the Superdome, it was the animals who faithfully followed these fools in to the wrath of this storm.

Modern political divide caused by 9/11

(9/15/05)

With Sunday's anniversary of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 I was sent in to a reflective mood concerning the events of that day and the national consequences that resulted from said events. This isn't going to be a mushy piece about how that day affected me; instead I want to explain how the national landscape has been changed since that day and what the political ramifi cations have come as a result.
Government today, regardless of which side of the aisle you're on, is unproductive at best. This is not the fault of Republicans or Democrats.
Instead it is a learned mistrust that has become common party practice from both sides. The ineffi ciency of government is approaching a dangerous level. It is my understanding that in previous congressional sessions the majority party got things done and pushed their agendas through with only limited resistance from the minority.
I understand that when one party wins two consecutive presidential elections and wins majority in both the House and Senate it can cause a little bitterness from the other side of the aisle.
This natural dislike for one another has gone from an uneasy cooperation before Sept. 11 to an outright boycott of the other party in modern politics.
I hesitate to use the word 'obstructionism' because this isn't a slanted piece and I'm not trying to push personal politics on anyone, but regardless of what side is trying to pass legislation it is not even considered by the other side.
This partisan bickering has turned party leadership in to extreme versions of their own party stereotypes. Republican leaders are now seen as religious zealots with a taste for blood while Democrat leadership are seen as sniveling, bleeding heart idealogues. The post Sept. 11 atmosphere of fierce patriotism and the accompanying atmosphere of terror has split this country as never before. The left advocates patience and tolerance of the enemy while the GOP takes the preemptive strike stance where the only solution to terrorism is to eradicate it before it reaches home. Both sides make sense.
While both sides make sense (to the intelligent observer) it is entirely impossible to implement both particular strategies.
As a staunch and occasionally militant Republican, I advocate strong defense and preemptive actions, but I am increasingly more aware of the problematic elements that accompany such and ideology. This divide makes me yearn for the days of more bipartisan politics where there was at least a gentleman's agreement to advance government for the good of the country.
I am not proposing that government before the terrorist attacks of 2001 was idyllic or utopian, but the increasingly tiresome atmosphere of partisan warfare and media propaganda may be wearing thin on this particular armchair pundit.
Standing at the site of the World Trade Centers in New York, I was overcome by a sense of unity and patriotism that brought me back to those days immediately following Sept. 11. I felt a deep concern for the direction this country was heading and recaptured that pride and unity that swept the nation in the wake of those events. I recall the deafening silence of the bar where I worked when President Bush addressed the nation on television.
I remember partisan differences being thrown out the window and senators and congressmen standing side by side and supporting the president with unwavering dedication.
I'm unsure if anything except a tragedy can force such cooperation in government, but recapturing the spirit of that time would go a long way in these days of politicized hurricanes and 24 hour media attack dogs.
I believe we all get swept up in the partisan politics I've just railed against and nothing is wrong with voicing a knowledgeable opinion and contributing to the arena of ideas, but I think all parties need to take a breath and realize what it meant to be an American that day and perhaps realign their perspectives based on the humility that was forced on our entire nation that day. A utopia is impossible, but a civilized discourse of ideas and actions should take place without the results being immediately shot down due to the prevailing 'us against them' attitude. Once there was a middle ground and it's a shame if it takes a national tragedy to show us how to get there, perhaps as those young men and women like myself and those of you reading this mature in to professional adults and participate in government we'll tire of character assassination, petty insults, and institutionalized obstructionism.
My only concern is a strong America that I can take pride in and know that everything possible is being done to ensure our well-being. The architects of this country intended for clear, respectful discourse in the Legislative branch to be the primary engine for securing the expansion and evolution of America and the current state of affairs, in both major parties and the innumerable minor parties is simply unacceptable.

Rehnquist's death signals trouble

(9/9/05)

William H. Rehnquist, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court died of cancer he'd been battling for years in his home Sunday evening. Justice Rehnquist's death has created yet another vacancy on the Supreme Court which means that the fi ght on the hill is about to be turned up a notch.
With Associate Sandra Day O'Connor's retirement and Rehnquist's death, the president is poised to usher two conservative judges into office.
The Democrats had been less than warm to John Roberts' nomination, but with Bush redirecting Roberts nomination to fill Rehnquist's post the fight is going to get very, very ugly.
Democrats are already arming themselves for the upcoming fall session fight block the president's nominees. Their obstructionism last session concerning appeals court judges and the appointment of John Bolton as UN Ambassador will be nothing compared to this duel for the ages. One can only imagine how the real leftwing blowhards will respond to whomever else is put up for a Supreme Court seat. Harvard Law Professor Alan Dershowitz started the onslaught on Fox News' Hannity and Colmes upon hearing of the judge's passing. Dershowitz referred to Rehnquist as a 'Republican thug who pushed and shoved to keep African-American and Hispanic voters from voting.' This heated remark left both hosts speechless and resonated with viewers as the first of many Democrat attacks on the legacy of Rehnquist.
One can only imagine how Roberts' confirmation hearings will proceed when they begin this week. Classic liberal blowhards such as Ted Kennedy and Harry Reid are sure to shove their opinions in to the mix and claim that Bush and the Republicans are unfairly tipping the scales of justice. We are to expect these statements in the near future and ignore them as the hatespeak we've all come to expect from their side of the aisle.
Rehnquist was a Constitutionalist and the Democrats fear those who favor a strict adherence to the constitution because that means they cannot perpetually alter the shape and meaning of this document in order to provide constitutional authenticity to their misguided attempts at lawmaking. We can all understand their selective appreciation of the Constitution when things such as Affirmative Action laws pass despite the Constitution stating that all men are created equal and no one person or race or religion should be given an advantage over anyone else.
Dershowitz went on to state that none of the Court's decisions during Rehnquist's reign as Chief Justice would be remembered, only his personal votes. This bias illustrates the left's unwillingness to participate in government and seek any bipartisan common ground. The fact of the matter is that there have been decisions made under Rehnquist that have been agreeable to both sides of the political spectrum.
With the president holding the key to two Supreme Court seats, the left will make damn sure that they do a job on Roberts in his confirmation hearings.
The left has lost control of itself in the post John Kerry romp era of DNC leadership.
The left wing conspiracy theorists such as Howard Dean have become the party line and this battle will be one of extreme obstructionism. I can see the Democratss being pressured to fi libuster this round of congressional proceedings by the evil Hollywood types that run the Democratic party.
Civility in government is over and those who cease to obey laws of etiquette and conduct such as the current Democratic power structure are willingly going to slow the government to a halt this fall because they are bitter and uninformed.
Let the Dems cry, 2008 is closing in fast and their antics will not be forgotten by the public.
The Supreme Court fight is just another step in the battle the Democrats have been waging ever since Bush defeated Gore in the 2000 election. The war in Iraq, the conflict in Afghanistan, and the so-called crises in the Sudan have all been criticized by the other side of the aisle. The fact is that Iraq had overwhelming domestic support. This proves that the current blue members of the Senate and the House were formerly more concerned with poll numbers and the percieved notion of strong defense winning elections than they were in being helpful to their country.
Keep your eyes on the battle for the court, good citizens, and beware the smear campaign that will be flying this fall. The United States needs judges who will interpret the Constitution as a document that is not meant to be twisted to fit the agendas of paranoid, free spending liberals.

Hurrican leaves trash in wake

(9/9/05)

Only in the current world political climate can hurricanes (which have periodically struck the gulf coast of the United States for thousands of years) be the fault of the President and his refusal to endorse a misguided treaty on global warming, the main purpose of which is to punish the United States for its hegemony.
This is the opinion wisely spoken by the environmental minister of Germany.
And while this statement of en vogue America- hating isn't even worthy of response, the Euros have had one valid observation regarding Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent events in New Orleans.
Europeans, and most other civilized people both here and abroad, have been horrified by the conduct of the denizens of the Big Easy. Nary do I agree with the Europeans and their foolhardy and idealistic worldview. However being a civilized man myself, this is where I fi nd my opinion mirroring that of those peace-loving wimps (how could a people who so nobly and ruthlessly colonized the rest of the world turn in to such cowards? But I digress).
I find the actions of these waterlogged citizens of New Orleans and the surrounding communities to be disgraceful and inappropriate. It's not like the size, fury, and probably consequences of this hurricane were not predicted well in advance.
With ample time to escape the wrath of this hurricane some of these intellectual giants decided to bunker down and ride out the approaching squall. I tire of hearing the exclamations of the foolish liberals who claim only those of means were able to elude this deluge. The last time I checked a major urban center is serviced by innumerable forms of transit. Many inexpensive and government subsidized forms of transportation are available to even those with the most limited fi scal wherewithal. I have no patience for these Superdome inhabitants who now cry to the government to bail them out of their own poor judgment.
All these rowdy victims and the bleeding heart armchair critics have done for the past week is whine about the allegedly poor relief efforts. The simple fact of the matter is that the victims? own uncivilized conduct has been the direct cause of a slowed relief effort. One cannot roam the streets in armed gangs or fi re upon the very helicopters trying to rescue one's neighbors or air-drop supplies and expect a seamless and efficient relief operation. Perhaps if those trapped in the Superdome and elsewhere managed to retain their composure and humanity, and acted in a dignified manner then the efforts of the Red Cross and the government would go much smoother than they have been.
Stampedes trying to reach evacuation transports are things that happen in third world countries such as Guatemala or Myanmar. It's only natural for Europeans and others to view the United States and conclude we're trash when deplorable actions such as these take place. I guarantee that if the metropolis of Utrecht in the Netherlands (which is also below sea level) were accosted by an inundation of this magnitude the citizens would certainly not respond in the same barbaric fashion as those in the Crescent City.
I understand that it is a basic human instinct to ensure one's survival, but I assure you that stealing a microwave from the local Wal-Mart does not fall under this innate mechanism. I had always believed that what set apart this country from the lesser nations of the world was its sound social organization and structure. As the level of civilization and its ability to ensure order declines right before our eyes I am left to wonder what will become of this country in the very near future.
Sadly, I'm forced to agree with cowardly Europeans in this instance in that this entire incident refl ects poorly on the nation as a whole.
The only consolation I can take is that perhaps another hurricane will race towards those areas already devastated and Mother Nature will take out the trash that we ourselves have been unable to deal with effectively.
Thanks to the perpetually tear-eyed liberals and their more than generous judges and lawmakers, this country has been unable to deal with the problem as we should because it has become a crime to hurt anyone's feelings or to suggest that people are responsible for improving their own lives. Instead they tell us that it is not their fault that these people can't successfully function in a civilized society. This problem will remain until we fashion a system to deal with these hoodlums as they should be dealt with. If we don't then we place ourselves in a rut that will not be easily overcome. We will slide further in to barbarism and burden our future generations with a growing number of irresponsible and incompetent leeches who will only drag down our once proud, civilized, and strong society.
Let Katrina be a warning to us all: it's not too late to take action. If we don't, the unfortunate events of the past week will soon become more commonplace in cities across the United States.

Send off for Dr. Gonzo

(9/1/05)

Approximately 250 guests attended the late Dr. Hunter S. Thompson's funeral service on Aug. 20 at his former home in Woody Creek, Colorado.
Thompson had always claimed that he wanted the 'Gonzo sign' (a symmetrical, two thumbed fist upon a dagger) built somewhere on his property where after his death his ashes would then be fired out from the top of this 150-foot red and chrome plated structure.
Friends and family questioned whether or not to carry out Thompson's vision after his death. The mighty gonzojournalist was indeed serious about his last request. Sitting there at his typewriter right before he killed himself, one wonders if the doctor could've anticipated the massive structural legacy that was to be left behind. Close friend and associate to Dr. Thompson was actor, Johnny Depp, who allegedly footed a good portion of the bill for the structure and surrounding events. Depp portrayed Thompson in 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,' where he and Thompson eventually struck up a lasting friendship.
On the strength of this friendship, Col. Depp (as Thompson called him) wanted to see his dear friend go out on his terms.
Thompson's ashes being shot out of a cannon is a remarkably appropriate exclamation point on the life of a man who lived as he is remembered: a firecracker, bright and spectacular, but dangerous if you get too close. Dr. Gonzo was undoubtedly one of the best journalists of his time, or any time, and he will be missed.
His 'Gonzo fist' will hopefully remain where it is, like a knife jutting out of the backbone of America, a violent reminder to us all about the fear, loathing and utter savagery that remains a part of life.
What a sight it must have been to have seen Dr. Thompson's ashes shot out of that fist.
Hopefully 'Tambourine Man' was playing as the good doctor requested and those in the crowd understood the weight of hero they were mourning.

A few words of wisdom

(9/1/05)

Sadly, I was unable to commit a piece for last week's freshmen orientation issue, but that doesn't mean I don't have any wise words for the incoming group of young men and women. Things on campus can get hectic and whatever you do, remember not to let school get in the way of your experience here.
I feel that there are a few things you should know about attending college that your undoubtedly unqualified guidance counselor didn't prepare you for. The most important of these things is to be selfish.
Trust me, good citizen, it is on you, and you alone, to make something of yourself. You must go above and beyond going to classes and doing your work. It is imperative that you join several clubs and organizations. These clubs and organizations are great resume builders and offer a tremendous opportunity for networking and social piggybacking.
These words of wisdom do not only go for incoming freshmen, but for all students: it is never too late to get involved. There are amazing opportunities given to campus organizations that one would never know unless involved. An example of the opportunities given to those involved is when the Student Government Association allotted money to the SCSU College Republicans to attend the College Republican National Committee national convention in Arlington, Va.
this past June. The university paid for lodging and admission to this three-day event where the participants were given an unrivaled opportunity to network and extend their social and business circle to a nationwide capacity.
This is just one example of the bonus of joining an extracurricular activity. School work is important, but at the end of the day, every degree is worth just about the same thing. College shows a potential employer that you have the fortitude to stick with something and work hard.
English majors don't all write books and every sociology major doesn't go on to work with handicapped people or prison inmates.
College is a growing environment. What you learn is what you're not good at and what you have absolutely no interest in. What this particular individual has learned is that nothing, nothing at all outweighs the importance of money. Personal relationships, social commitments, the feelings or emotions of others, nay; they all pale in comparison to the almighty dollar and that's some info for free, boys and girls.
So start now and push over anyone you can because you'll need to do any and everything you can to get your piece of the pie. Start with university clubs and work your way up the ladder and use your power to gain more infl uence. Use this influence to turn the odds in your favor when looking for networking opportunities or internships. You do have the ability to make things happen, it is only whether or not you have the balls to actually be cutthroat and do it.
As the president of the College Republicans, I've gained my position through means that some would call immoral and unjust. But I've got that on my resume now, along with national recognition and an acceptance into an exclusive old boys club that will most likely make my future a very lucrative place.
I challenge you, dear reader and innocent youth. I challenge you to get your ass in gear and make something of yourself that amounts to more than a SCSU Degree and a less than memorable commencement speech by the Fonz.

Bush feels the wrath of a soccermom

(9/1/05)

Mrs. Sheehan, I speak on behalf of the president and all of those people in the public eye who cannot fully express themselves to you, Mrs. Sheehan, for fear of crucifixion by the media. I am willing to stand up to the liberal crusade in this country and really tell you what I think.
First, I must say that it is truly unfortunate that your son, Casey, met an early death. The death of any young man or woman in military service is tragic. Tragic and honorable, Mrs. Sheehan, remember that. Casey signed up for military service because he believed in America and in his commander in chief. He was not drafted and Casey was not fooled by his death, Cindy. On a certain level, I'm sure most soldiers understand mortality.
His life now represents a crusade by you, his ill informed and perpetually grieving mother.
Instead of dying with honor and letting his family move on there is 'Camp Casey' and legions of other teary-eyed war profiteers like yourself, Cindy, lining up for their 15 minutes and every one of them is invoking his name in order to tell their story.
Can you hear him shifting in his grave, Cindy? Does it keep you up at night thinking about what a mockery you've made of his life? Why should the president talk to you? Do you really have anything to say that he can't read in the New York Times every morning? Do you really believe that your son's commander in chief and your president is really 'The biggest terrorist in the world'? I recommend you share that view with the widows and orphans of September 11th.
Your son may have been extraordinary, Mrs. Sheehan, but you certainly are not. You've called enough attention to yourself with your screeching pleas to invite the leftists to circle around you like vultures in the hope of denting the Bush administration. You are a pawn in a bigger battle and you don't even realize it. The insane mainstream of moveon.org and the Democratic Party have adopted you as a party line and endorsed you from behind the scenes in order for you to be the face of their own war.
Who is feeding those crowds you've attracted? Who is coaching you for your interviews? Tell us, who is it that paid for your well-acted television commercial. You haven't fooled me or most people, Cindy.
At first, you were a novelty: a woman with the cojones to call out the president in his own town, but now you're a characiture with no credibility.
The leftist organizations of this country are funding your crusade now, providing you with those heart-wrenching tears.
Keep those tears to yourself and get over it, my dear. You have misinterpreted the death of your son and have left his memory a mess. You've said, 'America isn't worth dying for' on more than one occasion and I hope you didn't share these views with your son when he was shipping off for his tour in Iraq. If 'America isn't worth dying for' then are you prepared to be publicly hanged or tortured in order to make an example of you and your treason? Would you rather we live in a country where your blaspheming would certainly mean your death? Get over yourself and see the bigger picture, Cindy. You are nothing except a woman with a separation problem. Do not blame anyone for your son's death, instead console yourself with the sacrifi ce he made for his family and for his fellow Americans. Did he die so you could get on your soapbox and question the validity of his death? I don't think so.
The president can't approach you with guns blazing the way you stand outside his ranch with no respect for his position.
He has bigger fish to fry than some whack-job-overbearing- soccermom with no real understanding of world affairs and the reality of life. Grieving is natural, it is even natural for you to be angry. But at some point, common sense enters the equation and it dawns on you that your son was a soldier, and sometimes soldiers don't come home alive. That is just part of the deal, Cindy.
So go home, Cindy, and tell your Democrat overlords that they'll need to drain the soul of another empty vessel to fight the PR war they don't have the balls or the credibility to do themselves. And shame on you for sullying the name of your son and for casting doubt on those thousands of men and women, other people's children, that remain in a war zone.
You are a despicable human being, Cindy Sheehan, and the president doesn't get out of bed in the morning for rabble-rousers such as yourself, he has things to do and the world goes on. Dry your eyes and get the hell off my television set, your 15 minutes are up.

Back in the USSR

(5/11/05)

It appears this week that Vladimir Putin has been reading up on his Pasternak and it's made him get all weepy for the good old days. With President Bush in town trying to lay the Democratic smack down on his ass, one wonders about the fate of Russia in the very near future. As we see good old Vladimir morphing in Josef Stalin before our eyes, we wonder about what his intentions truly are. This generic Russian James-bond type, KGB man's very appearance mirrors the stereotype Soviet villain in any film made between October 1957 and January 1991.
While I would like to believe this man has nothing but good intentions, I am a child of television and television says that Russians are bad.
The geopolitical atmosphere in Europe has become strikingly similar to that of WWII, complete with French cowards, German fascists in the Vatican, Russian?s with an aversion to democracy, and of course, the Brits who serve as the lapdogs of their American overlords.
This situation will become unstable, it always does in these parts, and we will see these countries acting in their own interests and bucking those of the EU as well as the global community. Bismarck famously predicted that a world war would be caused by a conflict in the Balkans, and I can't help but think that this situation is mirrored today. War will come because of some vital European cog such as Latvia or Belarus, dare I say it, perhaps even Estonia.
Indeed, beware, good citizens, let us keep our eyes on those red bastards. We must turn our collective consciousness towards this fragile part of the world and wonder what we would indeed do if another Cold War descended upon us.
I ask you one thing my friends and fellow patriots, how can we be sure that this whole fall of Communism thing isn't some Soviet ploy to lull us in to a false complacency only to see them strike against us in a Red Dawn-esque act of brilliant military strategery? I for one believe this whole-heartedly and welcome our sickle and hammer wielding brothers? challenge. I believe that this world, ridden with terrorists and pedophiles needs a conflict that invokes fear and is fought with conventional means. I want to see my billion dollar battleships and alien derived technology at work. I shit upon the idea of a war taking place where some religious zealot straps an M-80 to a donkey and runs in to a Falluja Starbucks. This shames the fine military tradition of our nation, a tradition that was built upon gunning down poorly armed Native Americans with technology thousands of years more advanced that the sharpened rocks they threw at their invaders. I want a gentleman's war, one where dapper officers smoke cigars and plan their genocidal strikes with a snifter full of brandy.
This world needs another showdown between civilized nations. We all know the Democrats desperately want another competing superpower in the world because they cannot stand the idea of one nation holding all the cards. I happen to prefer the current arrangement where the United States reigns supreme, I have no time for this United Nations inspired nonsense where everyone is supposed to sit around and sing songs and mediate disputes. I yearn for the days of the duel, where an injured party could seek to be recompensed by simply stating that they ?seek their satisfaction?. The dispute would be settled in a timely and efficient fashion, one party would be slain and the other would not, problem solved.
If the duel was good enough for Alexander Hamilton, the architect of our nation's financial structure, then by Jove, it is good enough for me.
Another great war would also have a positive outcome on this country's economy. Does anyone reading this in the state of Connecticut really want to see the livelihood of our sub-mariner brethren compromised simply because Al-Qaeda cannot build a vessel worthy of target practice for the hallowed Seawolf? Nay, only nation-states can field a challenge worthy our grossly inflated military budget. If I am going to live in a nation where our defense budget is five times that of the rest of the world combined, I want to see it at work. I have no problem living in a society that robs from the poor and elderly to support our war machine and the luxuries of the rich. Imagine the technological advances that would be made by such a conflict, we would be able to fulfill the promise of Back to the Future and quiet the whining masses of the globe in one deciding blow.
You may dismiss these as the ravings of a right-wing cultural elitist, and perhaps you are correct.
But I for one will gladly trade any sense of fuzzy well being that you myopic ultraleftists get from your foolish dreams of multinational harmony for the self satisfaction I will get when the international workers revolution claims another domino such as Honduras or Belize. I will gladly look the other way as the Europeans whine yet again as long as I know that my banana supply is safe. And in the end I believe this new world order will be a benefit to us all. Ask yourselves this: Can we afford to be wrong?