Pilkerton's Prognostications

This blog contains some of my past articles for the school newspaper and other musings I feel like posting. Beware liberals!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Ramifications of cell phone law


In the 12 days since the new cell phone law has gone in to effect, my life and the lives of my associates have been assaulted by the ineptitude of others. Is it my fault that other people do not possess the ability to drive and talk at the same time. Should I suffer because these fools do not have the grasp of multitasking that I do? I think not; this law is having the opposite effect than it was intended to have. Instead of riding safely in my vehicle focusing on the road while I talk to my associates, I spend my time examining my mirrors trying to spot the fuzz. The result of this paranoia is unsatisfactory driving, and being a man with a tremendous driving record, I take this law as an insult to my motoring ability.
I find it unusual that a law is passed requiring equipment that is not provided upon the successful legislation of said law. I refuse to buy a headset for my cell phone when I had no say in the passing of this law. Not only is it foolish to not provide equipment which would ensure the safety we so desperately want to legislate, the hands-free device makes individuals appear to be schizophrenics (not to mention pretentious assholes).
If I am paying my cell phone bill then I reserve the right to talk whenever and wherever I want, provided I am in public.
This law was passed to garner votes for my father's generation, who are still not quite comfortable with cell phones.
These people feel the need to shout into phones because they are small and they assume that this size requires a louder pitch in order to be heard. It is no wonder that these people (also the majority of the voting populous) cannot drive and talk at the same times. Most people do not realize the political ramifications and impetus of this law.
This law is not only aimed at foolish teenage mall girls like most people assume, it is for our parents and their valuable voting demographic.
I know I'm not the only person feeling this anger towards legislators. Very few of my compatriots will bend to the will of the esteemed Connecticut legislature and its evil overlord, Richard Blumenthal. This man, who wastes tax-payer dollars like no other, have turned this state upside down looking for things to rail against. I hope we all remember the landmark State of Connecticut vs. Snapple case or even more, the groundbreaking State of Connecticut vs. Blockbuster Video case. In the Blockbuster case, Attorney Blumenthal threw caution to the wind and selflessly stood up against this corporate juggernaut and proclaimed that it was indeed NOT the 'end of late fees' as these vile Blockbusterites had proclaimed. Let us all give a nod of appreciation to this perpetually bored and trite individual and his asinine political aspirations.
The only exception to this foolhardy law could be our esteemed wheelchair-bound friends. I was stuck behind one of these individuals who was ironically jabbering on his cellphone while wheeling down a steep embankment where he nearly lost control because his attention was obviously on his phone conversation instead of the rugged terrain he was encountering.
I have to wonder if this individual could be cited the way I would be if I were caught in the dastardly deed of cell phone use while I was driving. Perhaps this is a double standard that we should all be aware of. This is not meant to incite, only to be food for thought when considering the ramification of this particular law.
I have little else to do in my car other than drive, and talking on the cell phone offers little distraction, but when a wheel chair bound individual cannot properly control his or her direction I am forced to question the target audience of this law. I do not mean to be trite, I only wish this law was more well thought out and not the product of politically motivated pandering.
To be serious, this law has made driving more difficult for many and the policing of this law is yet to be determined, but I would rather take my chances driving and focusing on the road than driving around looking for police cars. If police officers can drive around looking for evil-doers, checking their computers, using the radio, and using cell phones, then I think my crime of talking while driving pales in comparison. Perhaps we should outlaw makeup application, hair grooming and all conversation while in our vehicles as well. This law will hopefully be short lived and eventually become unenforceable like the laws against sodomy and swearing, as long you're focused and pay attention to detail, it won't hurt anyone.


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