Pilkerton's Prognostications

This blog contains some of my past articles for the school newspaper and other musings I feel like posting. Beware liberals!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Celebrities: America's forgotten heroes


A teary-eyed and post-menopausal Barbra Streisand sat down with ABC News' Diane Sawyer and proclaimed that the world is entering a 'global warming emergency.'
Of course when the weather gets rough we turn to Babs to inform us on the meteorological events happening around the globe. Streisand, who is an outspoken Democrat and a borderline mongoloid, has again chimed in on current events and made her presence and intelligence known to all of those who actually watch ABC.
While nervously flipping through the channels this past weekend in order to escape hurricane coverage I believe I caught a snapshot of Sean Penn riding a tornado, a la Pecos Bill, to the rescue of the downtrodden victims of Rita. As we all remember, Sean Penn's last rescue effort during Katrina was thwarted when this intellectual juggernaut and camera hog ran out of gas in mid rescue. While this may warm the hearts of those 500 pound trailer-bound women who worship the Star as gospel, but to the rest of us it appears to be foolish celebrities who are so full of themselves that they are delusional enough to believe the world gives a shit about their opinions.
It is unfortunate that one's ability to play a part in a movie or sing a song is equated with any sort of credibility. When Sean Penn or Ed Begley Jr.
choose to involve themselves with situations that are being handled by the proper authorities, it is both disrespectful to the government and foolish from a public relations standpoint.
Even Angelina Jolie, bless her perfectly shaped lips and sexual magnetism, makes herself look like a psychopath when collecting children like Beanie Babies in third-world nations. While there is a certain appeal to having your family look like an ethnic scavenger hunt, one must realize that normal people do not behave this way. Give money, volunteer some time (ANONYMOUSLY), and let the proper people handle matters such as this.
With Mrs. Streisand-Brolin shooting her mouth off on national television, she serves no purpose aside from embarrassing herself and further decaying the credibility of the entertainment industry. I personally will not watch a Sean Penn movie where he doesn't play someone with a mental handicap and it would be a cold day in Jerusalem when I listen to a Barbara Streisand ballad. These people are sadly the norm in Hollywood and are threatening to take over all of California. If it weren't for the militia-minded inland residents of the Golden State, the entire landscape would be littered with refugee children and jobless, pot smoking idealists-even more than it already is.
The leftist movement that people like Streisand and Penn belong to is unfortunately becoming the norm for the Democrats and such a turn is doing little, aside from painting the whole as sympathizers of these egomaniacs. People like Howard Dean are a product of this shift in political sense.
The overwhelming majority of Democrats are normal people, but the only ones who get any press are the extremists like Michael Moore, Martin Sheen, and others of that mold.
When our country actually gives people like Barbara Streisand the time to spew their nonsense it is a sign that the press is a part of this monstrous divide between normal people and the elite of society. It is truly laughable that Streisand is predicting weather patterns and warning us all of impending natural disasters. Along with being the arbiter of all that is politically right, she finds the time to devote herself to the selfless pursuit of meteorology.
She does this for us all, not because of a selfish need to see her name in print or hear her name on CBS and ABC news.
Without this inflated sense of self-worth where would these oft forgotten about celebrities be? At least Gary Busey attempts to get himself in shape in his down time, and he's a Pabst away from being locked in a padded room. Barbara Streisand doesn't have it in her to be on a fat farm show so instead she fills her time reading Michael Moore's online journal and thinking of ways the Bush administration is bringing about the end of the world.
When Martin Sheen calls at 3 in the morning ranting about how he can't get his defense secretary on the phone, Babs is always there to reassure him that he doesn?t have the problem, America does.
Perhaps I am the one who is wrong, maybe the secret meetings being held at the local Scientology center are bringing about good results for this country. We can all get on John Travolta's 757 and jet over to the Sudan so we can salvage what's left of Starbuck's coffee fields that have innocently been caught in the middle of the latest bout of ethnic cleansing.
On the way back we can buy a few locals from a market in Sri Lanka to bring back to Angelina and Brad, just in case our ego's weren't big enough when we saved all the director's cut DVD copies of 'Yenta' from Best Buy in New Orleans to keep the Streisand empire afloat.
At the end of the day the few intelligent people left roaming around this once proud country need to be resolute and not tolerate this celebrity infiltration of the media. Streisand is not a meteorologist, Penn is not a bayou airboat captain, Angelina Jolie is not a UN Ambassador, and Martin Sheen is not the president. As long as we remember this, then some bit of respectability may survive in the otherwise dying medium of print and television 'journalism.' God help us.


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